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Some of the hardest stuff we carry, we carry quietly. We show up on Sunday, we smile, we serve, and nobody knows the candle is burning at both ends until it finally goes out.

This week I sat down with Pastor Jim Westheim, who has spent 40 years in ministry, and he got honest about something a lot of us are scared to say out loud. Burnout. Depression. Anxiety. The kind of compassion fatigue where you give and give and give until one day there is just nothing left in the tank.

Jim told me about the flight home from a missions trip in Honduras, the moment he realized he wasn’t okay. The same work that used to light him up was suddenly draining him dry, and he couldn’t pray it away. We talked about the perfectionism he used to wear like a badge, the “110%” lie so many of us believe God is asking for, and the slow, holy work of learning that God just wants your best, not your everything-all-the-time.

He also walked us through the real tools that brought him back. Watching your self-talk. Managing anger instead of letting it manage you. Protecting yourself from people who only pour negativity into your life. Refueling emotionally with the things that actually fill you back up. Staying alert to your own warning signs before the crash comes.

And then we went where the church doesn’t always go. MEDICATION. Jim shared his own story of finally holding that first pill in his hand and not wanting to take it, and the friend who told him, “this is going to be okay, and you may not have to be on this forever.” If a chemical imbalance needs balancing, that is not a failure of faith. We don’t think twice when someone takes thyroid medicine or eye drops. Mental health gets to be on that list too.

This one took me to church, friends. We wove in Philippians 4:6-8, Isaiah 26:3, and John 14:27, that gift of peace the world cannot give and cannot take. Perfect peace doesn’t mean everything around you is perfect. It just means you’re getting back to a healthy place on the inside, and God can absolutely meet you there.

If you’ve been running on empty and wondering if that makes you a bad Christian, oh friend, I think this episode will meet you right where you’re at. You don’t have to have it all together to show up here. 💛

Mentioned in this episode: Unshakable You by John Opeluski (formerly Pastor Disaster), available on Amazon Philippians 4:6-8, Isaiah 26:3, John 14:27

Head over to Substack for the companion devotional, and check out the link tree for the mug, the t-shirt, the bookmarks, all of it. I’m so glad you’re here.

You are not alone here. A Messy Amen.

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What do you do when the trial comes back... again?

This week I'm sitting down with Holly Maltby, who has walked through cancer not once, not twice, but FOUR times since 2019. And just when she thought the hardest part was behind her, a three year battle with anxiety showed up next. Holly gets honest about the panic attacks, the nights she didn't want to be on this earth anymore, and the moment a wrong word in the ER landed her somewhere she never expected to be.

But this conversation is not about the mess winning. It's about a woman who kept leaning in when she had every reason to pull away. Holly shares the verses she carried in her work pocket like lifelines, the gratitude practice that rewired her anxious brain, and how a prayer team became the hands and feet of Jesus when she couldn't stand on her own.

And then God did something only He could do. After a lifetime of singleness, after obediently walking away from a relationship in her 40s, Holly is getting married this October. To my father-in-law. Yes, you read that right, and yes, I take a little credit 😂 God's in the details, friends.

In this episode we talk about:

• Walking through cancer four times and what it does to your faith
• Anxiety, panic attacks, and the raw stuff we don't say on Sundays
• Gratitude as a weapon, because your brain can't hold anxiety and thankfulness at the same time
• Lifelong singleness, obedience, and a love story only God could write

Key verses: Philippians 4:6-7, 2 Timothy 1:7, Deuteronomy 31:8, Isaiah 41:10, and Holly's favorite, Proverbs 3:5-6

Don't lose your hope. God is always with you, even when you can't feel Him.

The matching devotional with reflection questions is waiting for you over on Substack, and you can find that, the merch shop, and everything else at linktr.ee/Amessyamenpod

You're not alone here. I'm so glad you're here. 🙏

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Michelle sits down with Nathanial Souder for one of the most raw and redemptive conversations the show has ever held. From a lonely childhood with no one to turn to, to a blood oath with an outlaw motorcycle club, to being kidnapped, tortured, and escaping with his life, Nathanial's story is not a quiet one.

And it didn't stop there. A rare brain condition that no surgeon in Michigan would touch. A 50/50 chance of dying on the table at Mayo Clinic. A motorcycle accident one year to the day of that surgery. Three times God said not yet, and Nathanial wasn't even sure he believed in Him yet.

What Nathanial was looking for his whole life was belonging. He found a version of it in the wrong place, and it nearly cost him everything. But underneath all of it was a man who decided at eight years old he would not repeat what he had seen, a man who carried more shame than he knew what to do with, and a man whose daughters eventually asked him to come to church with them.

He came. And something shifted.

This episode sits with the hard stuff, the counterfeit versions of brotherhood, the things we do that we still carry, the generational patterns we swear we will break and then have to actually fight to break. And it lands on a God who sweeps it all away like a cloud. Nathanial's own words say it best: his past doesn't define him. It refines him.

If you have ever wondered whether you are too far gone for God to reach, this episode is your answer.

KEY VERSES

Isaiah 44:22 — "I have swept away your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you."

Isaiah 43:1-2 — "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name, you are mine."

Galatians 2:20 — "It is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me."

Psalm 107:2 — "Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out. Tell others he has redeemed you from your enemies."

"My past doesn't define me. But my past refines me. And I feel redeemed." Nathanial Souder

There is a companion devotional for this episode over on Substack, and new merch is available now in the shop. Both are linked in the link tree at linktr.ee/Amessyamenpod. Come find us on socials at @amessyamenpod and we will see you next time.