#8 I Did It My Way: The Power of Becoming Yourself: Spiral Dynamics Red Stage: CHAPTER 2

What if selfishness isn't always a flaw? What if learning to say I want, I choose, and this is my life is actually a necessary part of becoming a healthy human being?

In this episode of Deep Play, we mine Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” to explore the psychology of power, ego, confidence, and self-authorship.

On the surface, the song practically bleeds Red, the power-driven third stage of Spiral Dynamics. Sinatra stands tall, takes the blows, swallows his doubts, claims his victories, and refuses to kneel. There are mistakes and consequences along the way, but remarkably few apologies. The ultimate measure of a life well lived according to this stage is simple: I did it my way.

But as you might guess, that attitude has a shadow. Unchecked confidence can become arrogance. Self-assertion can become domination. Independence can become an inability to recognize how deeply our lives depend on other people.

But Luke and Jen highlight a side of red that they both missed in their own growth early in life: For people who learned to survive by pleasing others, avoiding conflict, suppressing desires, or believing that asserting themselves was selfish or rude, Red contains something almost medicinal: permission to exist on your own terms.

We explore why a healthy ego isn't something to eliminate, but something to develop. Why disappointment and regret are sometimes unavoidable consequences of making your own choices. Why boldness can be both dangerous and deeply attractive. And why a person who never learns to assert themselves may struggle to build the confidence necessary for all growth that comes later.

And then we arrive at the lyric at the heart of the episode:

“For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.”

It captures both the beauty and danger of the Red worldview: the discovery that your voice, desires, strength, and identity actually belong to you.

Because sometimes growing up means learning to cooperate with the world.

And sometimes it means finally learning when not to kneel.

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The official Deep Play Podcast playlist with all the songs we’ve used to illustrate the concepts we've covered for expansive living can be found here:⁠ ⁠https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4VwZiaenSdnrd7nKO25oiy?si=2b064de6b08a43c5⁠⁠

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