Greggs is everywhere now, so we've pitched the only logical next step: Greggs The Musical. The steak bake is your Gaston, the sausage rolls are the chorus, and everyone learns that we are all friends in the warm counter. Then the pigeons arrive.

Jim's health journey also raises a serious question: how much protein is in a snake? He has the numbers, a plan for a snake bake, and would still rather eat one than touch Huel.

Elsewhere: how many kisses you can put on a professional text, what your emojis really mean, a real novella about a woman who falls in love with the Sheffield Arts Tower, why every kids Christmas film teaches nothing, who cleaned up the flooded houses in Home Alone, Trump's tiny hands against King Charles's sausage fingers, whether Not Like Us is overrated, and Andy Burnham as a needy Prime Minister messaging the whole country at 2am.

If you can hear a bass line, that's an algorave in the building. Please moan in the comments.

The Depressed CEO Podcast, new episodes every week.

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