Time.

What is time? Why is time? How is time? When is time? Also, what is time?

Important questions one and all, but for Captain Space Hardcore—intergalactic adventurer, full-time hero, raconteur, accomplished oboist—there is a more pressing question: how do you fight a time travelling madman who wants to end your life?

How does one fight a man who can bend time as easily as a chimpanzee bends a hose (i.e., quite easily)? How can you stop a man who can transport back to find you as an infant, then fire you into the sun? How to best a villain who can wipe out your great grandfather? Or worse, your great-grandfather’s great-grandfather?!

If you’re Captain Space Hardcore then the answer is simple: punch him in his big smartarse face.

But the journey of face-punchery will be a treacherous one. From the Ripper-addled streets of Victorian London, to the high-tech super prison deep in the heart of the future, the quest for Professor Tempus will rip the Captain and his trusty manservant Ebenezer Funkworthy through all of the time/space continuum and beyond in a thrilling adventure that critics are already calling “not fit for review. Please stop emailing us.”

So if you have the wit and the fortitude to come on this journey of temporal twisting tension and clock-blocking thrills then waste not a second longer, dear listener, and dive into the time travelling trousers of Professor Tempus!