Read by Sophie Olson and Patricia Walsh.

'My name is Sophie Olson, and I am a survivor of Child Sexual Abuse. It's a sentence I never thought I would say out loud. What happened after my own abuse was in some ways as traumatising, if not more so, than the abuse itself. Being a silent adult survivor in a world that doesn't talk about Child Sexual Abuse is isolating. For many years I felt like I was the only one and totally alone. Carrying a burden as heavy as CSA with no idea of how to release the words pooled in my heart was a relentless effort.

How do survivors begin?

Silence is a defining trait of Child Sexual Abuse. I decided against using the term 'trigger warning' in this book, because it would suggest my words are a loaded weapon, the implication being they are too dangerous to be spoken at all.

A term designed to protect, it conditions us into believing stories like mine are too shameful or potentially damaging to others to risk speaking aloud. My words are an important and valid expression of the harm done to me by others. They are not the danger. People who choose to sexually abuse children are the danger. They are the ones who should come with trigger warnings but of course we don't know who they are.

They walk among us.

They hide in plain sight, comfortable with the societal silence.

Stories like mine that shatter silence send an important message – survivors can and will speak freely. I acknowledge that some survivors find trigger warnings useful, and so will say this book contains references to Child Sexual Abuse and emotional abuse. Because it is important for professionals to make the link between CSA and the often-devastating impact on mind, body, and soul, it also gives a raw and honest account of the times in my life I reached rock bottom. There are references to addiction, disordered eating, self-harm, and suicide. The intention is not to demoralise or be gratuitous, it is for my story to make sense. Many survivors seek support when they reach this point. Some, like me, will find it impossible to find the words to explain why. The professional or practitioner, without much needed context, is then left with both visible 'symptoms' to treat rather than an understanding of the root cause. This book brings context. Many of the references to CSA are metaphorical, but not all. The most graphic descriptions of abuse are removed because I know stories like mine can appeal to perpetrators of abuse and I will not allow my story to be used as fodder, so if that is why you are reading the book, you won't find what you're looking for here. You will, however, see that much work is being done to make the world a safer place for children, and you can no longer safely rely on silence. Please take care when reading and take steps to look after yourself and remember this book is not intended to be used as a manual.

How Pat worked was unique to me. She will work with other clients in ways unique to them and that's the point. Survivors are all different. Our abuse is different, how we survive is different and our needs will be different. Take it slowly, take a break or step away if you need to, have a cup of tea, wrap yourself in a comforting blanket, cuddle your dog, check in with yourself along the way.

Sophie Olson