Carrie Bradshaw meets Malcolm Gladwell in this hilarious, thought-provoking, research-backed look at modern love—that’ll forever change your approach to finding and keeping a mate

A few months into Lindsay Jill Roth’s whirlwind transatlantic courtship with a handsome Englishman she’d dubbed “the Brit,” he made an off-hand comment that hit her like a gut-punch: “But I don’t know you well enough yet.” Despite hours on FaceTime and a series of swoon-worthy dates in London and NYC, Roth reluctantly realized that he was right: they didn’t know each other very well. And their budding relationship, while certainly romantic, was hardly practical. Did they have a shared vision for the future? Did he want kids? In what country would they live?

In the age of increasingly impersonal dating—where “ghosting” is the norm and “situationships” abound—how do you actually get to know someone? How do you get off the hamster wheel of first date after first date and advance a relationship along the path to commitment? How do you know if the person to whom you’re committing is really (or really might be) “the one?”

Where’s the guide?

Enter Romances & Practicalities, a set of 250 research-backed questions spread across twelve separate categories—from money to children to chores to sex—designed to help you identify your wants, needs, and non-negotiables, assess compatibility with a potential or current partner, initiate tricky conversations with grace, and build a deeper, stronger relationship.

Roth weaves the questions and her approach to them with her own charming love story, provocative interviews with real-life couples who’ve used the system, and practical guidance from a diverse range of clinical and popular experts including psychotherapist and bestselling author Lori Gottlieb, the “holistic psychologist” Dr. Nicole LePera, Dr. Mark Hyman, sex therapist Dr. Emily Morse, Suze Orman, Nate Berkus, Justin Baldoni, Barbara Corcoran and many more.

For anyone who’s ever wondered—How could we have never talked about this?!—Roth’s wise and witty narrative explores the reasons we don’t often equate romance with practicality, and arrives at a surprising truth: healthy communication isn’t just vital, it’s sexy.