I am the narcissist. I do everything that I can to gather fuel. I have different types of fuel, and I only allow people into my life who I can get fuel from. If I don’t think something or someone can continue to supply me with the types of fuel that I need, I will devalue, discard, or destroy them.

Fuel is the reason that I live, work, and thrive. Fuel is the only thing that drives all of my motivation, ambition, and strategy. I am so busy trying to get this fuel that I am addicted to that I can never achieve happiness or joy just from existing in the world. I was never taught as a child that I can self-soothe or be at peace. I was taught that I must stay busy and collect fuel for myself and for those who are codependent upon me (namely, my narcissistic parent(s)).

Fuel drives my criminal activity. It drives my lawsuits and court cases. It drives my work and education choices. It drives my choices in women and cars. It drives my decision to procreate. It drives my decisions to help other people. Without adequate fuel, I will refuse to do anything at all. I will lose all motivation and ambition to do anything at all. I will lay around placating myself and also feeling sorry for myself at the very same time.

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