Do you remember the 21st night of September? The Rizzuto Show certainly does, which means Earth, Wind & Fire Day is here and everybody should crank “September,” celebrate accordingly and apparently take their tops off. We don’t make the rules. Actually, we might have made that one.

Then this funny podcast takes an immediate turn into Sex Time Fun Facts and the world of “guided Joeing” — audio experiences that basically provide step-by-step instructions for some very personal alone time. Lern thinks there might be something to it. Moon insists society has simply reinvented the 1-900 number and slapped a wellness label on it. Rafe wonders how anybody got to the point where they needed an instruction manual for equipment they’ve owned their entire life.

Naturally, that leads to the crew realizing they all work in audio and could theoretically have very lucrative second careers. Lern considers erotic audiobooks, Rafe discovers people might actually pay to watch him read steamy novels in his glasses, and Rizz reveals he knows someone who was once hired to provide the voice of an adult toy. So everybody’s résumé is getting significantly stranger.

From there, this funny podcast moves into the newest relationship trend: “food divorce.” Instead of couples planning, cooking and eating meals together, everybody handles their own food on their own schedule. Rizz thinks if dinner planning requires relationship therapy, we may have bigger problems. Lern argues that sometimes you just want cereal while your spouse wants beans and nobody needs to contact an attorney over it.

That turns into a surprisingly real conversation about making time for your partner, needing personal space, family dinners and whether eating together matters more than actually eating the same thing.

And because apparently even chewing can cause relationship drama now, the crew gets into couples who eat at completely different speeds. Rizz, Lern and Moon are all fast eaters, while Rafe admits he occasionally has to consciously slow himself down so he doesn’t look like somebody just rang the dinner bell at a prison camp.

Then we arrive at Rafe’s recent evening alone: smoked wings, the Chiefs game on a laptop, greasy fingers, no television and a moment of self-reflection after looking in the mirror and realizing the sauce was definitely on his face too.

Has he eaten wings in bed? No comment.

Has he considered buying a daybed with a tray specifically for eating? Unfortunately, yes.

Earth, Wind & Fire, guided alone time, separate dinners, eating-speed incompatibility and Rafe slowly designing a hospital bed for snacks — another perfectly functional funny podcast from The Rizzuto Show.

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