Three waxed cats, one Cookie Witch, a Brazilian gone bad, and the last name Bermangoggleshitz...not the best ingredients for a successful spell. Or is it?

Avoiding the truth has been working out just fine for most of my life.

I'm finally happy. I have friends and a kangaroo shifter who adores me. Never in my 29 witchy years did I think I would have a place to call home with people who truly cared.

Now my BFF, Zelda, wants to have a chat. Can't crappy news wait?

As soon as my varnished Virginia is mobile, I want to go home to my adorable little house I share with the love of my life and my four semi-violent, adopted, gum-smacking chipmunk shifter sons.

But, noooooooo....

Instead of enjoying a bouncy romp of nookie with my marsupial man whose last name I should really find out, I have to deal with an odiferous, butt-ugly, dead-beat, evil warlock of a dad named Bermangoggleshitz - the very same douchecanoe that tried to kill my rodent children.

Not to mention, said sperm donor has called up a Legion of demons from the Underworld. Fanfreakintastic.

So armed with my questionable intellect, a shaky handle on the French language and a penchant for blowing up buildings, I'm gonna grab this problem by the nuts and squeeze - like a Brazilian times...whoops, bazillion. That French gets me every time.

I will have my happily ever after no matter what or my name's not Sassy Louise...umm...Bermangoggleshitz.