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Like a car alarm, bagpipe music, or a doorbell ringing in the middle of the night, hearing this all-new audio edition of The Bad Beginning will only upset you. This unique multi-voice recording brings the first book in Lemony Snicket's alarming A Series of Unfortunate Events to such terrible life that no one should really have to experience it.

If you have not read anything about the Baudelaire orphans, then before you read even one more sentence, you should know this: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are kindhearted and quick-witted, but their lives, I am sorry to say, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and this one may be the worst of them all.

Big sister Beezus Quimby tries to be patient with her four-year-old little sister, Ramona, but it isn't easy, not when Ramona powders her nose with marshmallows and invites her nursery school class to a party without telling her family. Sometimes Beezus doesn't like Ramona, but the girls are sisters and that means they will always love each other - just not every single minute.

Nobody in their right minds would listen to this particular book about the lives of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire on purpose, because each dismal moment of their stay at the village of V.F.D. has been faithfully and dreadfully recorded on this program.

Cash, who loves basketball but has a newly broken wrist, is in danger of failing seventh grade for the second time. Fitch spends every afternoon playing Major Havoc at the arcade on Main and wrestles with an explosive temper that he doesn’t understand. And Bird, his 12-year-old twin, dreams of being NASA’s first female shuttle commander, but feels like she’s disappearing.

I hope, for your sake, that you have not chosen to listen to this recording because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience. If this is the case, I advise you to put down this audio instantaneously, because of all the audios describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, The Miserable Mill might be the unhappiest yet.

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent children. They are charming, and resourceful, and have pleasant facial features. Unfortunately, they are exceptionally unlucky. In the first two books alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, a lumpy bed, a deadly serpent, a large brass reading lamp, a long knife, and a terrible odor.

If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do very well at school. Don't.

Gus doesn't want to make friends. She also doesn't want to be intrigued by the cat-lady teacher at her new school, or the Riley's Comet project that she and her seaweed-eating science partner are working on together. And she definitely doesn't want to fall in love with her job as the projectionist at the Starlight, a drive-in movie theatre that her family is reviving. Because, knowing Gus's luck, she and her family could be moving on in a day, or a week, or a month. When the ghosts that haunt Mum catch up with them. Or if the Starlight doesn't succeed.

Seventh grader Holling Hoodhood isn't happy. He is sure his new teacher, Mrs. Baker, hates his guts. Throughout the school year, Holling strives to get a handle on the Shakespeare plays Mrs. Baker assigns him to read on his own time, and to figure out the enigmatic Mrs. Baker. At home, Holling's domineering father is obsessed with his business image and disregards his family.

Allie is British and dreams of being a spy. Sage is an only child from sunny California. They meet when their families swap houses for the summer. Though they’re polar opposites, Allie and Sage quickly realize that they’re both dealing with family issues—Sage’s parents may be on the brink of divorce, and Allie’s struggling to feel heard in her big family. It may take a trip around the world for them to find their place at home.

Evan and Jessie Treski have waged a lemonade war, sought justice in a class trial, unmasked a bell thief, and created a professional magic show. Yet for all their skills and talents, both find themselves being singled out this summer for reasons beyond their control.

Newbery Medal winner Lynne Rae Perkins introduces Violet and Jobie, two house mice exiled to the wilderness, in an exceptional read-aloud and read-alone for fans of Skunk and Badger, Nuts to You, and classic animal stories such as Stuart Little. This thrilling—and funny!—animal adventure explores themes of friendship, family, bravery, and the meaning of home. Violet & Jobie in the Wild is illustrated in black-and-white throughout by the author.

For twelve-year-old Neve, it’s always been she and her older sister against the world, their lives entwined just like sisters in a fairy tale. So, if Rose loves tennis, Neve will play it too—even if secretly she’d rather be home turning cardboard boxes into offbeat art projects. Not even being moved to the piney woods outside Etters, South Carolina, can change what they are to each other—until a mysterious fog seems to swallow up Rose before Neve’s eyes.

In this historical fantasy novel, praised as a “rich, omen-filled journey that powerfully shows love and its limits*” and “propulsive, wise, and heartbreaking,”** Ziva will do anything to save her twin brother Pesah from his illness—even facing the Angel of Death himself. From Sydney Taylor Honor winner and National Jewish Book Award finalist Sofiya Pasternack.

It's winter, 1683, and the Great Frost has swept into London. By day, thirteen-year-old Thomasina and her friend Anne peddle sweets on the frozen river, hearing rumors of the magical Frost Fair that awakens there at night. They say if you can find it, Father Winter himself will grant any wish you have. And Thomasina has an impossible wish: the return of her twin brother, whose death left her family fractured. But once they discover Father Winter’s icy kingdom, Thomasina and Anne quickly realize the Frost Fair isn’t exactly what it seems… and that some wishes never come for free.

Cece Rios thought saving her sister would be the end of her adventures in the world of criaturas. But part of Juana’s soul is still trapped in Devil’s Alley. As Cece tries to find a way to get it back using her new curandera abilities, Juana takes her fate in her own hands and sets off alone, intent on restoring her soul and getting revenge on El Sombrerón.

Feeling left behind by both her sister and her best friend, Nolie tries her best to belong but soon finds herself at a moral crossroads. Set in the bustle of New York City during the Jewish High Holy Days, Where You’ve Got to Be is an accessible story about identities and relationships—the ones you keep and ones you let go. Pitch-perfect for tween readers who love Rebecca Stead, Holly Goldberg Sloan, and contemporary realistic stories.

Arthur and Rose Trout are the heroes of Roar, a magical world they created together when they were little, where anything they imagine can become real. Roar is filled with incredible wonders from their own imaginations. Arthur and Rose are looking forward to exploring beyond the End of Roar, an as-yet unexplored part of the world. When they arrive, they’re greeted by some long-forgotten fairies who are very excited to see them. Maybe too excited…

The battle between Good and Evil begins. Two brothers. One Good. One Evil. Together they watch over the Endless Woods. Together they choose the students for the School for Good and Evil. Together they train them, teach them, prepare them for their fate. Then, something happens. Something unexpected. Something powerful. Something that will change everything and everyone.