Do you really know what motivates your child, or are you projecting your own expectations onto them? In this insightful episode, hosts Andy and Kelly talk with Dr. Fred Haselden (Director of Education) and Jennifer Smith (Day School Program Counselor) about the critical difference between the gifts you want your child to have and the unique gifts God has actually given them.

They share core concepts from psychology, including how your child's nervous system is always choosing between connection and protection, and how to identify their personal triggers and currency. Dr. H candidly shares his "dentist retirement plan" story—a perfect, albeit intense, example of how parental expectations can overshadow a child's true interests.

Episode Highlights

• [05:12] Dr. H and Jennifer introduce themselves and share their personal family stories.
• [06:00] Dr. H shares his personal and humorous story of "brainwashing" his daughter into thinking she wanted to be a dentist and the powerful lesson he learned about controlling expectations.
• [11:30] Why many parents struggle with having preconceived notions and expectations for their kids.
• [12:30] Jennifer explains the difference between a child's nervous system being in protection mode versus connection mode.
• [16:00] Dr. H and Jennifer define and give examples of a child's trigger and their currency (what motivates them).
• [19:30] How to implement structured "rhythms of connection"—like a no-screens family dinner or the "Rosebud, Thorn" exercise—to build security.
• [25:50] A discussion of why building strong community is essential, especially for adoptive parents, when facing the challenge of a child's active rejection.
• [28:40] The wisdom of sowing good seeds and praying for the harvest, focusing on your efforts, not the outcome.

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Resources Mentioned

• Book: Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors by Robyn Gobbel