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Back by actual popular demand, Dave Cruise returns after a clip from his first appearance racked up six million views and sent the internet into an adoption-fueled identity crisis. This time, Taylor learns why Dave was originally named Matt, questions whether he has the right to call himself David, and introduces LeBron, the new family fish named in honor of her deeply questionable basketball knowledge. From Sugar Ray Cameos and an irrational distrust of Australians to wrong names during sex, secret penthouses, unpaid gym memberships, weaponized DSW rewards, and Taylor’s lingering reign as the face of QVC Careers, the conversation goes exactly where it should not. It is petty, wildly incriminating, and further proof that Taylor and Dave should never be left alone with microphones.

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For legal purposes, please assume at least half of this episode was made up, exaggerated, misremembered, or said purely for entertainment. Everything is alleged.

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