You want sex. You care about your relationship. But when things actually start to happen… something shifts. You get in your head. You feel anxious, disconnected, or unsure of yourself.

And sometimes, you walk away wondering why it didn’t feel as good as you hoped—or even feeling shame or guilt.

In this episode, I’m joined by sex therapist and Certified IFS Therapist, Patricia Rich, to unpack what’s really going on beneath that experience.

Because it’s not just about libido.

And it’s not something you can fix by trying harder or “being more confident.”

We’re diving into how different “parts” of you can take over during sex—pulling you out of the moment, creating tension, and leaving you feeling disconnected from your own desire.

Once you understand this, everything starts to make a lot more sense.

• Why anxiety shows up during sex (even when you genuinely want it)
• How “parts” of you can override your desire and create inner conflict
• The difference between being present vs. going on autopilot during sex
• Why you might feel regret or disconnection afterward
• A simple way to start reconnecting with yourself in the moment

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to IFS and Sex Therapy

02:45 Understanding Internal Family Systems (IFS)

05:34 Exploring Parts in Sexuality

08:27 Vulnerability and Intimacy in Relationships

11:22 Self-Led Sexuality and Awareness

14:12 Curiosity and Differentiating Parts

17:05 Practical Application of IFS in Sexuality

23:21 Exploring Vulnerability and Playfulness

25:41 Navigating Safety and Judgment in Relationships

28:07 Understanding Parts and Their Needs

32:13 The Complexity of Human Emotions

36:28 Communication and Vulnerability in Relationships

41:06 The Goldilocks Approach to Therapy

44:58 Training and Resources for IFS in Sexuality

Patricia Rich is a sex therapist and certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist and consultant. She specializes in helping people understand their inner world so they can experience more connection, clarity, and ease in their relationships and sex lives.

🔗 Learn more about Patricia’s work:

https://patriciarich.com (update if needed based on exact link you prefer)

If this episode resonated with you, there are a couple ways to go deeper:

Find out what’s actually keeping you stuck:

👉 https://TheBetterBedroom.com

If you’re ready for personalized support, my Pathway to Passion coaching program helps you reconnect with your desire, improve communication, and create a sex life that actually feels good again.

👉 https://HeatherShannon.co

Make sure you’re following the show so you don’t miss future episodes on emotional intimacy, desire, and building a better sex life in your relationship.