Kids won't sing. Just won't. Standing there with eight dollar garage sale ukulele and eighteen kids staring like I asked them do brain surgery.

Kid picking dried glue off fingers. Another one counting ceiling tiles yells "forty-two!" right middle of Jesus Loves Me.

Voice cracks on word Bible which shouldn't even be hard but here we are.

This is worship apparently.

Made kids sit criss-cross three years. Hands in laps no wiggling cause that's what thought church was supposed look like.

Said sit down seven thousand times every Sunday. Everyone miserable including me.

Got flu. Showed up anyway cause can't say no. Too sick care about rules anymore.

"Stand sit lay on floor whatever just stop asking me."

Total chaos. Boy rolling across floor like actual log during Awesome God.

But singing. First time in weeks actually singing.

Turns out bodies gotta move. Who knew. Everyone except me apparently.

Taught whole hymn to second graders last year. All verses cause I love hymns.

Kid asked if we talking about Disney villain. Another one why we trembling if not supposed tremble.

I mean fair.

Was teaching songs I liked never asked if seven year olds got any of it. Just pretty sounds to them.

Asked what worship means got "being quiet when want talk" "not moving" "pretending like boring songs" "thing before snack time."

One says it's when adults make you do boring stuff tell you it's for God.

Ate entire family size bag chips when got home. Whole thing.

Forgot plan worship Saturday night. Watching Netflix at eleven remembered oh crap supposed lead worship tomorrow.

Asked Emma pick songs morning. Jesus Loves Me good. Awesome God good. Happy Birthday wait what.

Nobody's birthday Emma.

"Close to Mia's birthday wanna thank God for my best friend."

Okay can't argue. Sang Happy Birthday. Mia crying I'm crying half class crying.

Made zero sense. Also totally worship.

Bought rhythm instruments Amazon 2 AM thirty eight bucks bucket of noise makers.

2 AM online shopping genius every time.

First Sunday just noise. Pure chaos couldn't hear anything.

Youth pastor sticks head in "everything okay in here" cause apparently sounded like emergency happening.

Almost trashed them all. But quiet kids who never sing? Shaking maracas grinning huge.

Had really bad week. Really bad. Sunday comes singing God's faithfulness start crying front of everyone.

Tried hide it couldn't.

Six year old comes over holds my hand rest of song. Doesn't say anything just holds hand.

That's worship too turns out.

Been trying create worship experiences for kids. Should been making space where they could actually worship.

Totally different thing.

One's me doing stuff they watching. Other's me getting out way they participating.

For teachers stuck making kids sit still discovering movement's not enemy of worship it's part of it, leaders learning control kills connection, anyone ready stop performing start creating actual space for real messy beautiful worship.