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Why Pastors Secretly Struggle to Ask for Help with Mike van Pelt

Why Pastors Secretly Struggle to Ask for Help with Mike van Pelt

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 View the Full Episode Transcript Episode Description What happens when church leaders are so busy doing ministry that they lose their intimacy with Christ? In this powerful conversation with Mike van Pelt—Christian men’s coach, author, and speaker—we explore the hidden struggles pastors face and why asking for help is one of the most courageous things a leader can do. Mike shares his personal journey from church burnout to discovering true intimacy with Christ at a men’s retreat, and how that breakthrough led him to create True Man Life Coaching. From the pressure to “have it all together” to the dangerous pattern of burying emotions, Mike reveals why so many ministry leaders struggle in silence—and what it costs them, their families, and their churches. Discover why building margin in your life isn’t optional, how ego and pride prevent leaders from getting the help they need, and why the younger generations might actually have something to teach us about vulnerability. This episode offers both challenge and hope for pastors who know they need help but don’t know where to start. What You’ll Learn The difference between belief in Christ and relationship with Christ—and why pastors can lose intimacy while doing church workWhy men (and male pastors especially) struggle to show emotions and ask for helpHow church leadership becomes a job that crowds out personal worship and spiritual intimacyThe importance of building margin in your life as a ministry leaderWhy “fake it till you make it” is dangerous modeling for your congregationHow to silence the inner voice that says “you’re supposed to have all the answers”Practical first steps for pastors who know they need help but don’t know where to startWhy Gen Z and Millennials are seeking answers from the church—and what that means for ministry leaders Key Quotes “Even though I’d been a Christian all my life, even though I was actively involved in the church, one of the things that was missing, and I didn’t know it at the time, was I did not have an intimate relationship with Christ.” – Mike van Pelt “I just remember staring up at the ceiling in the gym… And what I realized was, I’m going to church on Sunday. I’m not even hearing what the pastor saying, I’m getting nothing outta this.” – Mike van Pelt “In that moment, Christ came to me and said, I want a relationship with you. You’re my beloved son… I had no idea that kind of relationship was available.” – Mike van Pelt “What a pastor’s doing in that moment [when asking for help] is modeling something really important—it’s okay to get help.” – Mike van Pelt “The challenges that pastors face as leaders in the churches is incredibly daunting in this age… There’s just no possible way a single human being could be equipped to deal with all of it.” – Mike van Pelt “I think it demonstrates courage to ask for help… and it also makes it safe for the next person to ask for help.” – Joy Suzanne Hunt About Our Guest Mike van Pelt is a Christian men’s coach, author, and speaker who helps men break free from limiting beliefs, reclaim their identity, and live with boldness and authenticity. Through his signature message—the power of asking for help—drawn from his book True Man, True Ways: A Roadmap of Discovery to the Masculine Heart, Mike equips men to step into God-honoring leadership, build lasting legacies, and live with conviction in every area of life. He hosts the True Man Podcast and leads weekly men’s groups focused on deep, authentic relationships. Resources Mentioned True Man, True Ways: A Roadmap of Discovery to the Masculine Heart by Mike van PeltTrue Man Life Coaching: truemanlifecoaching.comTrue Man PodcastProverbs 3:5-6 (Mike’s go-to verse for encouragement)1 Timothy 4:12 (Setting an example / becoming an example) Practical Action Steps Start journaling – Get your thoughts and feelings down on paper. Ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now?” Then take it to God: “What do you think about this?”Find 1-2 trusted mentors – Keep your circle small but intentional. Find people who will listen well and ask powerful questions.Attend a men’s retreat – If you’ve never been to a retreat, consider it. These environments create space for breakthrough and deeper relationship with God.Create margin in your schedule – Build in time where you’re not “fixing” or leading—time to just be with God and process life.Practice vulnerability strategically – Choose what to be vulnerable about and with whom. You don’t have to share everything with everyone, but you do need to get help. Connect with Mike van Pelt Website: truemanlifecoaching.comFacebook: Mark van PeltYouTube: youtube.com/marksent1 Mike is also developing speaking engagements for churches and organizations about the power of asking for help, especially as it relates to different generations. Connect with Pastors & Money Email: ...
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