Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com

---

In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the conversation most couples recovering from betrayal are too afraid to have. What do we do about sex? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about protection, connection, and what it actually takes to rebuild.

Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth. Intimacy is not a reward system. It is a connection system. And two things can be true at once. A betrayed wife can be protecting herself AND the relationship can be starving for connection.

Laura shares why she chose to pursue intimacy with Carl despite the trauma, including the moment she shook so badly he had to leave the room. Carl delivers the perspective most men never hear. What it is actually like to rebuild your sexuality without any hope of intimacy at home, and why white-knuckling is not recovery.

From the Gottman framework of Atone, Attune, Attach, to the 5-level ladder for rebuilding physical connection, to why compliance is not intimacy and consent is, this episode delivers practical frameworks for couples who want to stop avoiding the hardest conversation in recovery.

This episode will challenge any couple who believes removing intimacy has no cost.

---

Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/

Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

---

Supported by Plana https://plana.org/

Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com

---

CHAPTERS

00:00 The Conversation Betrayed Couples Avoid

02:40 This Is Not Pressure It Is Options

05:18 What Recovery Actually Looks Like For The Man

10:07 Why Laura Chose Intimacy Despite The Trauma

14:37 God Behind Bars Partnership

16:02 The Worst Christian Advice Women Receive

19:26 The Science Of Bonding Stress And Well-Being

22:00 The Best Way To Stop Fighting

25:00 When Trust Is Crushed Couples Need Reconnection

29:50 Healthy Sex Is Not A Replacement For Recovery

31:01 The Gottman Framework Atone Attune Attach

34:24 Plana Partnership

36:22 Attunement Tuning The Guitar Before You Play

38:59 Non-Sexual Affection And The 5 Levels

43:26 Relearning Touch With No Goal And No Pressure

45:07 Erotic Connection Only When Both Can Say Yes

46:59 Weapon Reward Or Reconnection Which Are You Using

49:49 Final Reminders For Couples Rebuilding

54:06 Whatever You Avoid Controls You

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.