Michelle and Joanna return just days before Christmas and smack in the middle of Joanna's birthday season — which, according to Joanna, is a legally protected holiday requiring its own wrapping paper and absolutely no present splitting. Part A / Part B gifts can get fucked.

Mike is barely hanging on as fantasy football semifinals consume his soul, while Michelle and Joanna are fully entertained by themselves and proudly obnoxious about it. We uncover that half the reason Mike keeps coming to the studio is because Kati won't let him stay home on big football weekends, and honestly… fair.

Michelle reveals she spent an entire week covered in hives, possibly triggered by a night out with Joanna and Alex — or maybe karma. The itching got so bad she had to remove her bra at work, which immediately sends Alex spiraling into hopeful theories about lactose intolerance so he can finally roast her for eating vegan cheese.

The Dance Dads take over a sports bar for Thursday Night Football, only to discover it's also karaoke night — a cruel and unusual punishment no one asked for. Joanna quizzes the group on best gifts ever, forgets almost everything Alex has given her (except the party bus rentals), recalls being disappointed that the Chunnel wasn't see-through, and admits she expected to look up and see the ocean.

Venmo comments get spicy, "pretend sportsball" is officially canon, and things wrap up with an honest discussion about fairy porn, vivid descriptions, and why Michelle and Joanna keep turning pages.

It's loud, it's messy, it's inappropriate — and it's exactly what a platinum hangover feels like.

Just Mike and Alex this week, and somehow — against all odds — they're both in decent shape. That clock is ticking. With busy weeks ahead, no home-cooked meals in sight, and sore muscles already setting in, they crack a 90-proof bottle and brace for impact.

The guys spiral into complete disbelief over a long-retired quarterback suddenly back under center, debating whether we're about to witness a miracle, a massacre, or a full-on medical timeout. Would you be more worried as a Seattle coach about what you're about to do to him… or what he might actually do to you? Also: should anyone over a certain age be allowed to run the tush push?

Chaos peaks as Alex breaks down his unforgettable run as Mother Ginger — free drinks in full makeup, terrifying civilians and small dogs, wardrobe malfunctions no one asked for, mystery soreness from "barely dancing," and a pink beard spray that refuses to leave. A week later. Still pink.

Add in a legendary troll job from a gambling app, some sympathy for quarterbacks getting jumped by a retiree, and a pour that quietly turns into the highest-honored bottle we've ever reviewed… and you've got an episode that delivers pain, pride, and proof that good things sometimes come in affordable bottles.

Jackson returns to Whiskey n Whine fresh off Thanksgiving break and somehow manages to turn a quiet holiday into a full-on adventure. Mike finally gets the year off from hosting — no dishes, no stress, just drinks… the lucky bastard. Meanwhile, Madi hosts her first Arizona Thanksgiving, where Amazon apparently supplied the entire meal. Jackson immediately demands a family trade.

Alex survived 20 people at his house, plus a mildly passive-aggressive roasting pan drop-off from his mother-in-law — only for her turkey to come out dry. Victory for Team Alex.

Jackson confesses to eating two pumpkin pies solo, freezing back home because San Diego has ruined him, and pledging a fraternity where his life now includes serenades, whipped cream, and one "almost kidnapped to Mexico" event. Oh — and he learns why you never cross the border for a donkey show.

We also break down Jackson's questionable pickup lines ("I have furry cows"), his friends sabotaging those lines ("tell her what you do with the cattle"), Mike missing his chance to hang in San Diego, and Alex getting knocked out of both fantasy leagues.

To top it off, the guys taste Rebel Full Proof Bourbon, and it earns a Gold from Whiskey n Whine.