Ever walked out of a meeting sure you just nailed it, only to watch as someone else quietly moves ahead while you’re left trying to make sense of what happened? I’ve been there, and today I want to share what really goes on behind the scenes when good work isn’t enough.

In this episode of Don’t Let the Smile Fool You, I dig into those moments when you feel like you’re doing everything right, but opportunities and influence keep slipping through your fingers. It’s not always about performance. Sometimes, it’s about a whole other conversation that happens in the informal system—those hallway chats, coffees, conference dinners and even the group texts you’re not added to.

We talk about what it really means to be “in the conversation,” why just putting your head down and proving yourself isn’t the only game in town, and why relationship-building (yes, even if you hate small talk) is a necessary part of the journey at senior levels. There’s nothing accidental about influence, and I’ll lay out the three clear roads you can take: go wide and work the room, go deep and build with intention, or stay out and protect your peace—just be sure you’re making a conscious choice about your path.

If you’ve ever wondered why you’re not in the know, why your work isn’t being talked about when you’re not in the room, or why you feel invisible even from your seat at the table, this one is for you.

Here are the chapters for this episode:

00:00 Light bulb moment after a big meeting

01:18 The role of informal systems and connections

02:57 Signs you’re outside the real conversation

04:41 Relationship capital at senior levels

05:30 The three types of people at conferences and dinners

06:19 Understanding why informal politics matter

07:09 The cost of managing perceptions

08:47 The myth about work being enough and its reality

09:47 Building influence by presence and relationships

10:27 Choosing your road: Go wide, go deep, or choose peace

13:08 The cost and rewards of each approach

15:34 Making an intentional choice about your path

If you’re ready to stop leaving your career moves to chance and want to learn how to shift with intention, let’s get into it. No unicorns here, just the honest truth about what it takes to move from being a great performer to someone whose name carries weight when they’re not in the room.

Don’t let the smile fool you—good work matters, but strategy, connections, and clear choices matter even more.