Tried teaching honesty last week using Ananias and Sapphira. They lied about money. Fell over dead.

Kids terrified. Will I die if I lie?

Probably not. But maybe don't lie.

Great job me. Now they think lying causes instant death.

Jacob age seven asks if lying about eating cookies will kill him. No. This was special situation.

What makes it special? Holy Spirit was there? Holy Spirit is always there though right? Yes but different kind of there.

Making no sense. Kids staring.

Emma asks if her mom knows about this story. Maybe shouldn't tell her mom.

Yeah maybe don't mention death part to parents. Moving on.

Let's try different honesty story. Jacob lied to Isaac pretending be Esau. Got blessing.

Kids so lying worked? Well got blessing but then had run away hide for years.

Jacob says his dad told him lying always wrong no exceptions. Your dad right. Stick with that.

But Bible Jacob lied and became Israel and that's good right? This lesson falling apart. Abandon ship.

Jesus fed five thousand. Little boy shared lunch. Kids if I share my lunch does Jesus make more? Not exactly.

Then why share? I like my lunch.

Emma says she shared cookies once and kid threw them away. Sharing felt bad. That does sound bad.

Jacob says maybe cookies weren't good cookies. Emma says they were great cookies. Oreos.

Who throws away Oreos? Valid question.

Now everyone arguing about whether Oreos good cookies. Lost the thread completely. We were talking about sharing.

Passed out goldfish crackers. Nobody shared them. Irony not lost on me.

Taught Good Samaritan. Help people who need help. Simple lesson clear message.

Next week Marcus tells me got in trouble for helping. What happened?

Saw kid fall on playground. Tried help him up. Kid yelled leave me alone. Teacher thought they were fighting. Got sent to principal.

So helping gets you in trouble? Marcus asks. Not always. Sometimes. Depends.

This is confusing. Yeah. Life is confusing sometimes.

Marcus not satisfied with that answer. Me neither honestly.

Jesus said forgive seventy times seven. Kids immediately doing math. That's four hundred ninety.

Emma says if someone mean four hundred ninety times maybe just stop being friends. Cannot argue with that logic.

Jacob asks if you have to actually count. No. It's about forgiving lots without keeping track.

But you just made us do math. Don't do the math. It's metaphor.

What's metaphor? Not getting into that today.

David fought Goliath. Was brave. Trusted God. Kids loved it. Going to be brave too.

Next week Marcus got in trouble for fighting bigger kid at recess. Why Marcus why.

Wanted be brave like David.

David didn't start fight. Giant was threatening everyone.

Kid was being mean to Emma. I was protecting her.

That's actually kind of sweet but also no fighting.

Thought you said David fought giant?

David fought actual giant threatening whole army. Different situation. How is it different?

One is war situation. One is playground. Different rules.

Rules are confusing. Yes. They are.

Had to email parents explaining David and Goliath not instruction manual for playground conflicts. Parents thought it was funny. I did not.

For teachers discovering Bible heroes terrible role models sometimes, leaders learning kids take wrong lessons from good stories, anyone explaining why David can fight giants but Marcus can't fight on playground.