Gather round the fireplace, my weary little elves—Santa’s checking the list (twice, thrice, because it’s been a year), and it turns out it’s not 12 ways at all…
It’s 18. Plus a Bonus. Even I needed extra coping strategies.
1. Bring a Mystery Guest to uncomfortable gathering. Nothing distracts like a wildcard human. I once brought a reindeer. Worked wonders.
2. Hide in the Bathroom as Needed - A sacred North Pole tradition. Candy canes optional.
3. Pull the Escape Hatch Anytime. Smoke bomb, Irish goodbye, sudden “chimney emergency.” You owe no explanations.
4. Practice Selective Hearing. Nod. Smile. Hear only jingle bells, not opinions.
5. Treat Yourself — Prioritize Self-Care You can’t pour eggnog from an empty cup.
6. Hydrate and Get Exercise. Even Santa stretches. Sleigh piloting is core intensive.
7. Be Social. Drink Your Drink.Sip what brings you joy. Cocoa, wine, or existential resignation.
8. Lean on Friends. The elves survive because they unionized emotionally.
9. Give Yourself Permission to Say NO! Naughty list behavior includes over-commitment.
10. Keep Expectations at a Human Level. This is not a Hallmark movie. This is Earth.
11. Curate Social Interactions. You’re allowed to prune your guest list like a Christmas tree.
12. Meditate. Sit. Breathe. Imagine snow falling on everyone’s nonsense.
13. Sleep. I do one all-nighter a year. You are not Santa.
14. Have Something in January to Look Forward To. January is the light at the end of the tinsel tunnel.
15. Impromptu Solo Dance Parties. Blast the music. Dance like the reindeer aren’t watching.
16. Bake! Cookies heal wounds I cannot.
17. Go See a Movie. Two hours where no one can ask you anything. Magic.
18. BE GRATEFUL. Even for the mess. Especially for surviving it.
19. Watch video of Patti LaBelle at the White House “Where are my backup singers?”
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