What would Jesus drink? According to a growing shelf of American energy drinks, the answer is something with a crown of thorns on the can and a Bible verse on the back.

This week we get into the strange new world of Christian energy drinks. There's Yahweh, with a picture of Christ and the tagline "Take Him Anywhere." There's Agape and its Preachin' Peach, 4GVN with a flavor literally called Gospel Gummy, and Praise Energy, complete with a cartoon mascot named Zion the Lion. We pulled the thread from there and found Christian protein powder, Holy Locust snack bars, hot sauce, beard oil, dog collars, ammunition boxes, and yes, scripture toilet paper. The list does not stop.

Underneath the jokes there's a real question. When a company prints a Bible verse on a product and calls that its ministry, who is actually being reached? We talk about why none of these drinks seem to fund anything beyond brand awareness, why the only people buying a Jesus energy drink are people who already believe, and how "God told me to do it" became the most reliable business plan in the country. We also get into Christian music's grift era, the Marjoe documentary, Byron Donalds finding Jesus in a Cracker Barrel parking lot, and what Gallup's church attendance numbers might have to do with all of it.

Plus a Miko and Berger update at the end, because priorities.

Links:

The Guardian piece

The Internet Today episode that discusses Christian energy drinks