Many of us wrestle with disappointment with God as we wander in the way. He doesn't always do what we want him to, or give us what we ask for, and sometimes that leaves us hurt, disillusioned, and confused. We aren't alone in this, Even the disciples felt this way, and they had Jesus right there with him. Yet even though Jesus is different than we thought, and different than we want, He is in fact better. He exceeds our expectations beyond our wildest dreams. We all come to Jesus because we want or need something from him, but as we follow Jesus, we slowly but surely realize that He is what we really want and really need, no matter how many of our expectations he doesn't meet, He is infinitely better , than we can ask think or imagine.

Different Than We Thought

They said You’d bring good news.

They said You’d overthrow oppressors.

They said You’d be a warrior.

They said You’d set captives free.

They said You’d cleanse the temple.

They said You’d lead the people.

They said You’d be the Shepherd.

They said You’d bring justice.

They said You’d judge the nations.

They said You’d be like Moses.

They said You’d be like Aaron.

They said You’d be like Elijah.

They said You’d be like David.

They said You’d be a Deliverer.

They said You’d be a Priest.

They said You’d be a Prophet.

They said You’d be the King.

You were.

You did.

Just not the way they expected.

Just not the way they wanted.

Different than they thought.

So they were all offended,

and they put You on the cross.

You upset.

You disappointed.

You inverted.

You turned the tables.

You flipped the script.

You washed feet.

You laid down Your life.

But little did they know—

this was no surprise.

This was not a loss.

It’s what You anticipated.

It’s exactly what You wanted.

It’s how You were exalted,

how Your true work was accomplished.

You overcame the powers, overthrowing spiritual darkness.

You set the captives free, delivering those bound in sin and death.

You healed the sick, cleansed the lepers.

You opened the eyes of the blind and the ears of the deaf.

You sat and ate with sinners, because they knew they should repent.

You were a great Warrior, fighting spiritual evil and opposing religious corruption.

You judged the nations with forgiveness to all who’d put their faith in You.

You are King of a spiritual Kingdom—spreading on earth as it is in heaven—

through love and self-sacrifice, not vengeance and force.

Through transformed hearts,

not tyrannizing systems.

The Messiah.

The Anointed.

The Chosen.

The Set-Apart One.

The Son of Man.

The Christ.

The Son of God.

Fulfiller of promises—

of the Torah, Law, and Prophets.

Filling full believers with Your Spirit

to carry on Your mission,

no matter what it costs.

Always getting better,

but different than we thought.

Here's a reflection and a poem I wrote about wrestling with the mystery and transcendence of who God is, the paradox's of His nature and His Word, and the tide of culture to wander away from God in the midst of wrestling with these realities, as opposed to wandering in the way.

This was my first spoken word poem, I wrote it about 4 years ago while in a discipleship program for a monthly gathering where I ended up sharing it. It was the events surrounding this poem that actually inspired me to begin writing poetry. I love hearing when these poems impact people, so if you enjoy it or are impacted by it, let me know :)

A Reflection and a poem I wrote about wonder, childlikeness, and the deepest thing we can ever experience- the love of Jesus.

Wonder

wonder, it’s something I don’t do much these days

I think and I ponder, but rarely just sit there amazed

By beauty, by hope, by joy, love, and the like

Realities I experience, both the human and the divine

Instead I employ 

other Attributes of mine

Reason, and understanding, 

Logic, and other sciences

To help me rationalize 

the feelings that comprise

Such wonderful experiences

The problem is

The cost of this process 

Is often that the moment itself is lost

Familiarity fills space where new discovery could shine

A childlike awe is stifled 

locked inside of a fearful mind

Imagination held within the limits of my intellect

Emotion stolen by the attempt to rationalize it

ecstasy removed by the attempt to understand it

amazement elluded, confined within the boundary lines of logic

The wonder is lost, in attempt to control it within mere thoughts

But what of if I let go, exposed to the encounter?

What if I let my guard down, vulnerable to the veneration?

What if 

What if I didn’t have to figure out why before I felt the fullness of His wholeness?

I don’t quite yet know,

I’ve only sensed glimpses

But I want to know again,

Yes, I want to wonder again

A Poem that developed out of a time of prayer in which wrestle the tension between my own humanity's frustrating limitation and frailty, yet it's God-given beauty and dignity. I pray that this resonates and helps you find Jesus in the tension:

Poem- “Bloody Flesh and Bones”

You say don’t be afraid, 

you’re fearfully and wonderfully made

You say this because you know

That what I’m most afraid of is my humanity,

This bloody flesh and bones

You say that everything I need to be the man you’ve made me to be, Is already in me. 

Even that your Kingdom is within me.

But sometimes I can’t seem to find it.. or… him.

Between temptations, thoughts, and fears

confusion, lies, and the like

It feels like the man I’m supposed to be

lies far beyond my reach. 

Not because I don’t want to be him, 

I really do, and sometimes I see him, 

I feel like he’s there but before long as I stare into who I could be I sense deeply who I’m not, this bloody flesh and bones seems to blur my vision. 

In all honesty, at times I feel unable, 

like that version of me is just a fable.

Something seems array, 

why is it so hard sometimes!? 

I guess I blame it all on this bloody flesh and bones.

Jesus: 

Or maybe, this flesh and bones isn’t just bloody, but blessed. 

Not as much perverse and unpleasant

As profound and purposeful, a present. 

I understand your struggle, and your tension, I get it it, I get you.

But don’t forget I put on flesh and bones and let it be bloodied so yours could be blessed.

I was human too, being Messiah meant meeting hard head on, 

temptations, thoughts, and fears

confusion lies and the like,

I faced them all and came out the other side

I even conquered death with resurrection life.

And now the blessed flesh and bones with which I formed you, 

is where I make my home in you. 

So when you feel like your humanity is hindering you from being who I made you to be, 

remember that though this flesh and bones may bleed, 

it’s not as much bloody, as it is blessed.

And I gladly choose dwell in this blessed flesh and bones.

A poem/spoken word I wrote about wrestling with God through doubt, skepticism, and confusion.

A poem I wrote that outlines a conversation I had with the Lord, wrestling with the idea of His timing and my disagreement or maybe just frustration with it:

Too Slow

You know what God;

sometimes I feel like you’re just too slow.

the seeds that I sow are taking too long to grow

I’m trying my best to do what I know

trusting that in time the the fruit will start to show

You say you bring the harvest

in due season I’ll reap

but I gotta be honest

this feels like a leap

I’m just saying

I’ve been waiting

through the rain, shine, and snow,

And I’m staring to feel like you’re just too slow…

Oh no son, I hear you,

but you’ve got it all wrong;

I’m not too slow, I’m just more patient than you.

I’m not taking too long, I’m just more gracious than you.

see My love is patient, so that means I’m more loving than you.

the people you pray for,

the seeds that you’ve sown,

the transformation you wait for

In others and yourself,

the changes you hasten for

come steadily for your health

the promises you ache for

that you long to be fulfilled,

I haven’t forgotten one,

I’ve kept a note to self.

but they’ll happen in My timing

And you don’t want them anytime else

Because eating fruit before it’s ripe

isn’t good for your health.

so trust in My timing son,

Trust the slow work

and when you get impatient,

remember My smirk

The blessing that comes

when the waiting is done

Is worth every moment

You sat frustrated in My love

Oh no son, I hear you,

but you’ve got it all wrong;

I’m not too slow,

I’m just more loving than you.