Jaquell began by emphasizing that grief isn't always about tears; it often surfaces as frustration, rage, or emotional numbness. She highlighted that feeling furious after a loss is a normal, albeit challenging, part of the process. The core message underscored that if left unmanaged, anger can consume us, whether internalized or externalized, hindering healthy processing and forward movement. Jaquell stressed that anger is a universal reaction, not limited by age, race, culture, gender, or size, and it often acts as a protective mechanism against pain, sometimes stemming from feelings of injustice, powerlessness, or rejection.
A crucial point Jaquell made was how difficult it can be to recognize anger in ourselves, especially when it manifests subtly. She used relatable examples like snapping at family after a bad day at work or simply being "short" with responses. She passionately explained how anger, particularly in grief, often gets "swept under the rug," leading to bitterness, negativity, and a pushing away of support systems.
Jaquell then delved into the distinct ways anger presents: Internalized Anger:
Characterized by self-blame, irritability, and depression with an angry tint.
Externalized Anger: Seen through snapping, negative outbursts, and risky behavior.
Disguised Anger: Including numbness, control issues, and hyper-productivity.
This was a particularly insightful point, demonstrating that anger isn't always loud or obvious. The most impactful part of the episode was Jaquell's raw and courageous sharing of her own journey. Losing her father at 14 led to deep, unresolved anger, even directed at God. This anger manifested physically as hypertension at 16, a stroke at 23, and a near heart attack before 30. She powerfully described how her body was constantly tense, unable to release the emotional burden. Jaquell's story is a profound testament to the long-term damage that suppressed emotions can inflict on the body, mind, and spirit.
She credited her high school counselor, Ms. Simonson, and a later therapist for helping her understand the importance of validating her feelings and verbalizing her emotions, even if it meant saying, "I don't want to talk about it right now." This process of acknowledging, understanding, and strategizing for positive outcomes was crucial for her healing. Jaquell concluded by challenging the societal pressure to suppress emotions ("don't cry, be strong"). She firmly advocated for allowing ourselves and our children to fully express their feelings, emphasizing that crying is a healthy release that prevents the body from remaining in a tense, painful state.
Her story is a powerful reminder that "hurt people hurt people," and by choosing to process our anger healthily, we can break cycles and foster deeper, more authentic connections.
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