The Format went on Big Desk and the results were unbelievable and people are even calling the new singer the White Black Eminem. Getting the unalive at KFC is both easier and harder than ever but the mix always ends up brown. And yes, we have bologna sandwiches for Sunday dinner

https://www.patreon.com/posts/146319048

Leather hackysacks are for Republicans and all GameStop managers poop their pants at the counter because using toilet paper at work is technically theft. Sum Ting Wong is one of the worst pilots to ever work for Ticketmaster. The whole class took some bad molly and the classroom smells like the third pig

Keep an eye out for the 350 bit and the Drippy Louis Bluey Back Bling season of Fortnite. 7/7/7 was the luckiest day ever but no one invented scratch tickets or getting a UTI from the Reverse Shocker yet so it was basically useless for all intents and purposes. Then 7/7/77 happened and we were all too young for that one so what gives

https://www.patreon.com/posts/145477935

We are working on a Dave Matthews biopic called Crash about the time they crashed their tour bus and the spaghetti they were eating hit the ceiling and ruined the upholstery and also it knocked the cap off the sewage tank and it spilled on a boat and when they tried to have it fixed the mechanic just used it to do Uber and then unalived in the driver's seat. The sequel will be called Crash 2: Electric Boogaloo once Grantland can actually figure out who was the first to make that reference and if it was Dave Barry or not

🎼Jesus and Mary Chain - Darklands

Sorry for the thin gruel this month

Season 4 of Doug was weird because they did the Martin Lawrence arc and half of it was about Didi getting bred and his name was Caillou but they made him look like Eddie Murphy in a fat suit. Jay-Z clearly never saw Squid Game or Get Out in 2010 or he would have mentioned Young Hee

Make sure your hollowed out turkeys are hung by the fireplace so you can get presents from William Bradford or Massasoit or whoever does that holiday. Planters Academy will be opening soon for those of us who want to continue the tradition of our beautiful offspring being able to enjoy Nutter Butters and Reese's Pieces at school and yes we know how it sounds and yes not everyone will be let in but technically anyone can go and our rival school is run by the Pringles logo

https://www.patreon.com/posts/144493861

Basically it would be a found footage gonzo horror movie where a guy overdoses in an abandoned Burger King for a YouTube video and then Solsbury Hill starts playing and he comes back to life and nuts hands free. Jack Black would do a great job in the Chris Benoit biopic and the doctor said I can make dirty rice clean. "A clean behind is a terrible thing to waste."

What comes after 345? China loans us pandas and we give them celebrities as collateral. They found Amara and it was the friends we made along the way. The ants had a crumb crush on the way to Matthew Perry in the hot tub and then the crumbs attracted moon bears which are level 2 or 3 bears and then He Touched Me and it felt incredible.

https://www.patreon.com/posts/143379708