Wealth that isn’t lived as wellbeing is a tragedy—one advisors help write unless they change the story.

On this episode of Visionary Advisor, host Alex Kirby (founder, Total Family) is joined by James E. Hughes, who has shaped how the profession thinks about multigenerational wealth. Jay challenges advisors to look past balance sheets, exploring why “wealth” must mean family flourishing, not just the sum of assets.

Together, they tackle the problem of sterile planning versus the lived, dynamic “play” of family life. They examine why words matter, the hidden cost of secrecy around money, and how family meetings can either foster connection or leave heirs disengaged. Hughes’s framework—anchored in the Five Forms of Capital—offers a blueprint for helping families grow in ways that numbers alone can’t capture.

Advisors will come away with a practical lens for running better family meetings, engaging rising generations, and building trust that endures beyond a liquidity event or loss.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• Why redefining “wealth” as wellbeing transforms your client relationships
• The power of language in legacy work - especially with the rising generation
• What families lose when money is a secret
• How to use stories (even failures) to foster resilience and belonging
• Why most family plans fall short, and how to shift toward “plays”
• Steps for structuring family meetings that actually support human capital

Notable Quotes from James E. Hughes

“The word wealth…meant well-being. It has never meant anything but that.”

“Humans don't live in plans, they live in plays. The problem of plans is they're sterile.”

“The purpose of a meeting, any meeting of a family, is to grow its spiritual, social, intellectual, and human self…”

Resources

• Complete Family Wealth, by James E. Hughes
• Where Are All the Customers' Yachts?
• Total Family

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We believe wealth is well-being. Subscribe to the Visionary Advisor Newsletter for practical tools and ideas to serve families across generations.
Explore more at totalfamily.io | Follow us on LinkedIn | Watch episode clips on You

Send us feedback

Stay Connected with Visionary Advisor
We believe wealth is well-being. Subscribe to the Visionary Advisor Newsletter for practical tools and ideas to serve families across generations.
Explore more at totalfamily.io | Follow us on LinkedIn | Watch episode clips on YouTube

Death is not an if — it’s a when. And yet most advisors are never taught how to show up when a client experiences loss.

In this episode of Visionary Advisor, Alex Kirby, founder of Total Family, sits down with Ron Gura, co-founder of Empathy, to explore what happens when grief, finance, and responsibility collide. Ron shares insights from Empathy’s research report, The Grief Tax, which examines the emotional, administrative, and financial burden families face after the death of a loved one — and why these challenges are often inseparable.

The conversation explores why advisors are uniquely positioned to support families during loss, how well-meaning sympathy can fall short, and what it really means to move from condolences to meaningful action. Alex and Ron also unpack the realities facing the “sandwich generation,” the shortcomings of bereavement leave in the U.S., and why proactive legacy planning — letters, values, conversations, and systems — can ease future hardship even when grief can’t be avoided.

This episode challenges advisors to rethink how they show up before and after loss — and how doing so can strengthen trust, continuity, and family relationships across generations.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• Why grief and financial logistics cannot be separated during moments of loss
• How the advisor’s role shifts from transaction to relationship after a death
• Why heirs may disengage when advisors only show up after a loss occurs
• What the “sandwich generation” is facing as they care for children and aging parents simultaneously
• Why legacy planning must include emotional preparation, not just legal documents
• How proactive systems and conversations can reduce overwhelm when the inevitable happens

Notable Quotes from Ron Gura

“Grief is made harder by logistics, and logistics are made harder by grief.”

“You have to shift from sympathy and condolences to empathy and action.”

“This isn’t a one-and-done moment. This is human, messy, and complicated.”

“If you want your kids to take care of each other and the surviving spouse when you’re gone, you probably need a week, a month, and a bottle of wine to really talk about it.”

“Don’t ask me if I need anything. Tell me what you’re doing to help — and do it.”

Resources

• The Grief Tax: Empathy’s Annual Research Report
https://www.empathy.com/thegrieftax

• Empathy
https://www.empathy.com/

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We believe wealth is well-being. Subscribe to the Visionary Advisor Newsletter for practical tools and ideas to serve families across generations.
Explore more at totalfamily.io | Follow us on LinkedIn | Watch episode clips on YouTube

Most wealth advisors think they understand how different generations view legacy and the great wealth transfer. New research from The Harris Poll shows how wrong some of those assumptions can be.

In this episode of Visionary Advisor, Alex Kirby, founder of Total Family, sits down with Jennifer Musil, Global President of Custom Research, and Melissa Schweizer, SVP of Financial and Professional Services at The Harris Poll, to unpack findings from America’s Great Wealth Transfer report and a custom legacy study conducted through the lens of the five forms of family capital.

The conversation reveals a powerful shift: while money still matters, the rising generation defines legacy in far more human terms. Well-being, personal development, values alignment, and emotional trust now sit at the center of how heirs think about wealth — and whether they stay with their parents’ advisors or leave.

This episode challenges advisors to rethink how they approach legacy, communication, and relationship-building ahead of the largest intergenerational wealth transfer in history.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• Why legacy goes beyond financial, with human capital ranking highest in perceived importance
• How younger generations define the purpose of wealth differently than prior generations
• Why values misalignment and weak personal relationships drive advisor switching risk
• What heirs actually want from advisors during and after the wealth transfer
• How communication and collaboration shape trust before money ever changes hands

Notable Quotes

“Legacy goes beyond financial. Human capital rose to the top with 83% saying well-being and development of each family member is a significant contributor to their legacy.”

“This is a story about humans wanting to work with other humans and have a relationship.”

“Even when people have to pick just one, three quarters say something else other than money matters most.”

“Technology can explain the mechanics, but it can’t carry the emotional weight of inheritance.”

Resources

America’s Great Wealth Transfer Report — The Harris Poll
https://theharrispoll.com/insights-news/reports/americas-great-wealth-transfer/

Full Report PDF https://drive.google.com/file/d/1VV152oN7hStk0YItdZ6f6QCjAJdKlM72/view?usp=sharing

Custom Legacy Study: Perceptions of Legacy Go Beyond Financial — The Harris Poll

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1TGhbwsUg-eiHfeU574BeO7f8uCqsKocg/view?usp=sharing

Send us feedback

Stay Connected with Visionary Advisor
We believe wealth is well-being. Subscribe to the Visionary Advisor Newsletter for practical tools and ideas to serve families across generations.
Explore more at totalfamily.io | Follow us on LinkedIn | Watch episode clips on YouTube