Darlings… I was ready to ghost this new era of Vanderpump Rules. The original cast was lightning in a bottle — toxic, iconic, spiritually unwell. You can’t summon that twice.

Then I watched the first five minutes of the Season 12 premiere…
And suddenly I was grabbing my mic like it was the last Pumptini on Earth.

In this episode, I live-react — in real time — to Season 12’s fresh batch of overly confident, chaotically delusional LA goons. I immediately identify the vortex of female dark chaos (spoiler: Natalie, with Kim hovering like an energetic attachment), followed by the usual roster of pretty-but-basic "straight" men. I question how SUR is still open in 2025 after showcasing horrible waitstaff on tv for a decade, with a quick stroll through its tabloid history.

I break down the Two Types of VPR Viewers, unpack the hetero hellscape these people are stuck in and revel in the 5 a.m. rage calling followed by 10 am drinking, security footage fights, tone deaf music studio moments, and broken fourth wall — all the things that make VPR the greatest show ever while laughing non-stop at this mess.

If you want play-by-play chaos, psychic-level predictions, and the kind of sharp snark only a Vanderpump Rules Scholar and drag queen can deliver… grab your Pumptinis.

Come sip, scream, and bitch with me. Zenobia is clocked in!!

Support the show

#RockStarLife: Coffee Break is on hiatus, darlings, but Season Three struts onto the scene in 2026—fierce, fabulous, and totally worth the wait. 🚀☕💄 In the meantime, Espresso Shots drop whenever I feel like it—no RSVP required, just pure chaos and caffeine.

All hail my glam gang sponsors: Odyssey Salon and Day Spa in Aberdeen, MD. 💅✨