Lara and Carey return for the season finale of The Valley, but first they discuss Lara’s upcoming Italian eclipse moment, the new but not surprising Jared Leto sex pest doc on BBC, testing their skills on the two questions that led to Ben Affleck’s Who Wants to be a Millionaire? victory, Bethenny Frankel’s new supermodel cafe, and Bryan Johnson’s longevity fatigue.

Back on The Valley, Halloween approaches. But first, Lala meets with Nia for coffee in a Moulin Rouge outfit; while feeding Saerpent, Nia’s discloses more about her traumatizing past and longing for stability at all costs. Doute and Luke dig themselves further into hetero hell, and Michelle discloses to Dreadlocks Natalie her plans to own a home. As Brittany’s Big Vampire Soiree kicks off, Danny transforms into Blackout Bookula, sucking all the oxygen out of the backyard, Zack gets called out for being two-faced about Jinet, Jesse accuses Michelle of being in a secret relationship, Jasmine transforms into a family court attorney, and Doute full-on lies to save face over her Nia Disclosure Day to a shuncked and horrified Brittany. Finally, Jason and Danny — nearly unconscious — have it out in the Beetle Juice room; Danny Scary Christian points in Janet’s face, who returns it with a soda to Danny’s temple. Janet loses the battle, for now, and The Bookos flee into the night back to Santa Clarita, as Saerpent claims victory over the souls of the living and the dead.

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