Carey and Lara are back with a penultimate recap of everyone’s favorite hetero nightmares, but first, Lara takes time out to speak out on a new initiative she’s undertaking to fight for the movie-going spirit of Los Angeles. They also talk Nicole Kidman’s possible new beau or possible new gay, newly surfaced video of Clavicular’s middle school graduation, Danny Booko’s TMI battle with porn addiction, and a harrowing Schwartz paparazzi pic.

Back on The Valley, Schwartz dotes on Kiana, Michelle sells Sunset, and Zack and Benji have a difficult convo about theoretical babies and their immigration stress. Nia and Saerpent return from Miss U.S.A., letting Danny off the hook from being a parent once more; Danny laments his lack of trust in the group as Saerpent feeds.

Then Michelle and Jesse make their divorce official-official and celebrate with bittersweet champagne, long-winded speeches and explosive sexual chemistry. Schwartz, Kiana, Michelle and Lala take a rindom pontoon ride where Schwartz comes clean about the boys and Doute not taking Jinet’s S/A, to the horror of La. Doute and Luke give a poor man’s version of Couples Therapy where they discuss WeddingGate, which is made worse by Luke’s careless zingers. The girls + Zack + Lacy, minus Nia and Doute, head to Chili’s where Brittany and Zack butt heads over Nia and Zack sharts in the restroom. Brittany does a sexy photo shoot to celebrate her mommy makeover and prepares for her big season finale Halloween party. Lala confronts Doute over not giving Jinet grace about her S/A admission.

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