In this powerful solo episode, I open up about my very first Christmas as a young single mom. I talk honestly about what it looked like to try to create a magical holiday with almost no money, a handful of used toys, super cheap decorations, and Christmas cookies paid for with food stamps. I share the pride I felt saving $180 in a Christmas Club account, the deep shame that came when some of the gifts weren’t age appropriate, and how heavy the pressure felt to make everything look perfect for my daughter, even when I was falling apart inside.

I also explore how holiday burnout hits early mothers differently. We already walk into the season feeling like we’ve disappointed people, like we have something to prove, like we have to make up for becoming moms “too soon.” I talk about how the myth of the perfect holiday — the matching pajamas, the perfect tree, the Instagram-ready moments — wasn’t even around back then, and thank goodness, because the weight of comparison would have crushed me even more.

This episode sets the stage for Part Two, where listeners will hear more from Nicki and from a mom who recently reached out online asking for Christmas help. Her honesty adds an important layer to this conversation about shame, survival mode, and the reality of trying to hold your family together during the holidays.

If this episode touches you, please check out our work at www.theEMBERproject.org.