『Trauma Bonding: The Chains Keeping You Stuck』のカバーアート

Trauma Bonding: The Chains Keeping You Stuck

Trauma Bonding: The Chains Keeping You Stuck

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概要

 If you feel “crazy” for missing someone who hurts you, or “addicted” to a person you know is harmful, you’re not broken. Your brain is responding exactly as it was designed to respond to a very specific pattern of abuse and affection. This is a biological survival response, not a character flaw or weakness. A trauma bond is a powerful emotional attachment that forms between a victim and their abuser through repeated cycles of abuse followed by affection or relief, creating a psychological dependency that feels impossible to break. Safety First: If you are in immediate danger, please contact local emergency services or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. https://youtu.be/asszg-U6JB0 This article covers the neuroscience behind trauma bonding, the stages of trauma bonding, and practical steps toward overcoming trauma bonds. We’ve written this for adults who feel stuck in an unhealthy relationship despite knowing they should leave—and who are ready to understand why leaving feels so impossible. By the end of this article, you will: Understand the brain science behind your emotional attachmentRecognize the 7 stages of trauma bondingLearn why “just leaving” isn’t as simple as others make it soundDiscover practical steps to break free and begin healing Understanding Trauma Bonding Dr. Patrick Carnes first coined the term ‘trauma bonding’ to describe the misuse of fear, excitement, and sexual feelings to trap a person. Since then, experts have identified seven predictable stages that these relationships often follow which we will get into below. This term describes the intense emotional connection that develops between a person experiencing abuse and their abuser. Understanding trauma bonding begins with recognizing one crucial truth: this is a neurobiological survival response, not evidence of weakness, poor judgment, or being “too emotional.” When we’re in danger, our brains are wired to attach to whoever provides safety—even if that same person is the source of the threat. This creates the confusing reality where the abusive person becomes both the cause of your emotional pain and the only apparent source of relief. The Neuroscience Behind Trauma Bonds Your brain operates on a system of rewards and threats. In a trauma bonded relationship, this system gets hijacked through a process called intermittent reinforcement. Here’s how it works: When abuse occurs, your body floods with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. Your nervous system enters survival mode. Then, when the abuser shifts to kindness, affection, or even just the absence of abuse, your brain releases dopamine—the same chemical associated with pleasure, reward, and relief. During the ‘relief’ or ‘love bombing’ phases, your brain also floods with oxytocin—the bonding hormone. This is the same hormone that bonds a mother to her infant. This biological glue makes detaching feel physically painful, like tearing skin. This unpredictable nature of when kindness will come creates an emotional addiction. Your brain becomes conditioned to crave the relief that follows the pain. The cycle of chronic stress followed by positive reinforcement creates intense feelings that can feel like love but are actually a biochemical response to trauma. This explains why willpower alone doesn’t work. You’re not choosing to stay because you’re weak. Your brain has developed an emotional dependence on this cycle, much like how addiction pathways form in response to substances. How Trauma Bonds Differ from Healthy Attachment Many people in abusive relationships mistake the intensity of their emotional connection for love. But intensity and love are not the same thing. In healthy relationships, bonding occurs through consistent safety, mutual respect, and trust built over time. Your self esteem grows. Your autonomy expands. You feel secure even when your partner isn’t physically present. In traumatic bonding, the opposite happens. A trauma bond develops through fear, unpredictability, and the relief that comes when the perceived threat temporarily disappears. Rather than building you up, this attachment erodes your sense of self and well being. The intense emotions you feel aren’t evidence of deep love—they’re symptoms of a nervous system caught in a survival loop. Recognizing this distinction is the first step toward breaking free. Now that we understand how trauma bonds form, let’s examine the specific stages that characterize this harmful relationship pattern. The 7 Stages of Trauma Bonding Trauma bonds don’t form overnight. They develop through a predictable progression of behavioral patterns that gradually increase the abuser’s control while diminishing the victim’s sense of reality and self-worth. Many trauma experts use these seven stages to help therapy clients recognize where they might be in this abusive cycle. Stage 1: Love Bombing The first stage involves ...
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