Episode Summary: In today's intimate episode, we dive deep into the porcelain throne's biggest controversy: The Bidet vs. Toilet Paper. What starts as a simple recommendation for personal hygiene quickly devolves into a historical, scientific, and slightly graphic debate on the "proper" way to clean up. From ancient Roman communal sponges to the physics of the "Cobra Strike" dab, no stone (or stick) is left unturned.

In This Episode, We Cover:

1. The Bidet Revolution: Why water wins every time.
2. The Smear Campaign: Is dry paper just moving the problem around?.
3. Hygiene History: How ancient civilizations—and ChatGPT—handled the business.
4. The Wet Wipe Dilemma: Why they’re great for you but terrible for your pipes.
5. Personal Techniques: An unnecessary deep dive into the "upper," "downer," and the "dab".

We reflect on why this is officially our "most scuffed" episode yet.

We are tired of the news. We are tired of the "Henny Penny" doom and gloom. We just want good dirt.

This week, we discuss why "unbiased" news aggregators might just be echo chambers with extra steps. We also explore how the Printing Press was basically 15th-century Twitter for spreading lies about Marie Antoinette, and why we are all susceptible to AI hoaxes about boys who cry wolf.

In this episode:

1. The YouTube Pivot: Why serious war documentaries now start with ads for Raid Shadow Legends and sports betting.
2. Ground News (Not a Sponsor): We tried to find the truth, but the algorithm just got confused by our search history.
3. The French Revolution: Proof that misinformation is older than the internet (and usually involves a guy in a basement making stuff up).
4. The Compost Cure: Why ignoring the world to focus on the nutrient density of your soil is the only valid response to modern life.

REFS:

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henny_Penny
2. https://ground.news/
3. https://www.epa.gov/recycle/composting-home

Childhood Nostalgia vs. Adult Bias: Reflecting on growing up with Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton on the radio, only to develop a "nationalist" aversion to the genre later in life.

Dolly Parton: The Ghostwritten Icon: Discussing how many of Dolly's biggest hits (like 9 to 5) were actually written by pop artists, making her a "twangy" pop star rather than a pure country artist.

The Streets of Baltimore: A deep dive into the "fascinatingly sad" themes of country music, from divorce and crime to the literal abandonment of the country for the city.

Cross-Pollination: How Blues, Americana, and Bluegrass have merged into a "Nashville specific" scene that perpetuates a very specific American image.

The Old Town Road Debate: Why country music struggled to accept the convergence of hip-hop and country, despite their thematic similarities.

The Mid-Pod Pivot: Host B makes a hasty exit for a "five-to-seven minute" bathroom break, leaving Host A to reflect on his own "kickback" against the music he was forced to listen to as a kid.

In this final session of 2025, the guys reflect on the "Year of Today’s Topic" and look ahead at what 2026 has in store for humanity, technology, and the moon.

Highlights include:

1. Reflecting on 2025: A look back at the first full year of the podcast since its launch in May 2025, which the hosts believe has defined the cultural landscape.
2. The "AI Sauron" Strategy: A debate on the necessity of creating "evil, twisted" AI variants to counter the benevolent AI overlords others are building.
3. The Bunion Breakthrough: A bold medical prediction that CRISPR technology will finally find its true purpose in 2026: eliminating bunions forever.
4. The Newt Gingrich Invitation: Following up on a 1999 promise, the hosts put out an official call for Newt Gingrich to join the show and explain exactly where our moon base is.
5. Moon Base Amoebas: Discussing the low-budget alternative to a human moon colony: launching "American tardigrades" or amoebas into space and calling it a win.
6. Star Wars Rebranding: Why "clankers" is out and "droids" is in, plus an invitation for hate mail from the "one woman" who still likes the franchise.
7. The AI Tamagotchi: Why your 2026 digital pet might be a "mood ring" for your own depression.
8. Disney & Marvel's Future: A prediction that the box office "flopping" will continue through 2026 as the studios struggle to find their footing

In this episode, we "nip it in the poopy bud" to discuss the social etiquette and biological realities of flatulence.

1. The Wake-Up Call: Exploring the realization that aging farts can gain enough decibels to startle loved ones awake.
2. The Maverick Technique: How to fart in a meeting without acknowledging it to effectively gaslight your coworkers.
3. The Love Tent: Navigating the "Dutch Oven" effect under the covers and why it’s a "constant process of tooting and airing out".
4. Dietary Warfare: Using specific foods like onions or beans as a tool for petty retribution in the bedroom.
5. The "Volcano" Danger: Distinguishing between standard gas emissions and the "lava" that can follow an eruption.
6. Dr. Seuss Style: A final word on farting here, there, and everywhere—from the train to the rain.

In this episode, we dive into the looming question of our "golden years." While we briefly considered a pivot to an entire episode on the acoustics of a "trumpet fart," we eventually settled on the financial and existential dread of retirement.

Highlights include:

1. The Millennial/Gen Z Reality: Why many assume the world will blow up before they ever see a social security check.
2. The "Neighborhood Dog" Philosophy: Reframing retirement as becoming the 19-year-old archaic dog that the entire community feeds scraps to just to keep it going for one more day.
3. The 100-Kid 401k: Is having enough children to ensure one becomes a millionaire a more "rider or die" plan than the stock market?
4. Shantrell-la: A retirement fantasy involving memory loss, a caring adult child, and the daily surprise reveal of being filthy rich.
5. The Spite Factor: Why some people work until the end just to put "nasty-gram" flyers on windshields in the Walmart parking lot.
6. The $3 Million Math: Attempting to ballpark the cost of living for 30 years post-career, ranging from luxury Malibu models to living in a literal boxcar.

Summary:

In this episode, we go where no "serious" podcast should: the philosophy of the "Spank Bank." What starts as a high-brow attempt to link Plato’s Allegory of the Cave to pornography quickly devolves into a hilarious confession of male insecurity and confusion. We discuss the "fortress under siege" that is the teenage male brain, admit our total ignorance of the female experience, and prove once and for all that we have no idea what we're talking about. Come for the shadow puppets, stay for the awkward panic. It’s an unscripted, unfiltered, and deeply sweaty look at the "bro science" of desire—featuring a mansplaination of the female anatomy with 0% accuracy and 100% confidence. Please correct us.

Key Topics:

• The Disclaimer: Why we are sweating before we even start.
• The Philosophy of Smut: Was Plato's Allegory of the Cave just the first instance of "nerd porn"?
• Imagination vs. Reality: The lost art of the "Spank Bank" vs. the internet age.
• Confessions: The weirdest places we've ever "auditioned the hand puppets" (featuring: a friend's house and a high school bathroom).
• The Gender Gaps are Real.

Memorable Quotes:

• "The first porn was some guy looked at some bushes and thought they looked like titties."
• "I'm very nervous, I'm sweating."
• "Your fortress is being besieged."