All The News You Need is a news and humor show hosted by 87-year-old Bertie Allison and her son Aaron Atadero, because news isn't meant to be consumed 24 hours a day.

This week: Iran closes the Strait of Hormuz and starts charging ships $2 million to pass through, wiping $100 billion off luxury stocks and prompting Bentley's CEO to say something on an investor call that stopped us cold. California scrapped César Chávez Day in seven days flat after explosive abuse allegations — including from his own co-founder — and cities from San Francisco to San Diego are now pulling his name off streets, libraries, and statues. Tiger Woods rolled his SUV and got arrested for DUI on Friday, three days after impressing teammates at a golf event. Logan Paul sold a Pokémon card for $16.5 million to a man who says it could one day be worth $100 million and plans to use it to eventually buy the Declaration of Independence. Ocean species are going extinct before scientists can identify them. Two delivery robots from two different companies smashed two Chicago bus shelters in one week — both called it a "rare, isolated incident." And Imperial Valley residents packed a Board of Supervisors meeting so hard that 50 people ended up in the parking lot, all opposing a 950,000-square-foot AI data center that skipped environmental review.

We close with Prentice Douglas of Hampton, Virginia — who plays the same lottery numbers every day, bought 20 tickets on a whim, and won $100,000. He has no plans for the money.

All The News You Need. Twice a week. With Bertie and Aaron.