You've heard it. You've said it. "You just need better boundaries." But what if the boundary conversation has become part of the problem? In this episode, we explore how self-sacrifice and unrelenting standards schemas, two of the most common patterns in helping professionals , can turn well-meaning boundary advice into a shame spiral. Drawing on Jeffrey Young's schema therapy model and Skovholt and Trotter-Mathison's Clinician Paradox, we unpack why the same qualities that make you effective in clinical work are the ones that make saying no feel genuinely dangerous. This isn't an anti-boundary episode but acknowledges that burnout doesn't mean a boundary failure.

You spend your life holding space for others but where do you go when you're exhausted and need it held for you?

When the very nature of therapy is about giving and caring, it’s easy to forget about what we need! And when the structures we work in (even private practice) aren’t designed to hold space for us, burnout becomes real. I see this all of the time in my burnout recovery work with therapists and other helpers, they are excellent clinicians and even “do all of the things” for self care, but are still tired.

It's because we can't do this alone. That's why I created the Reset Circle, because the number one agent of burnout prevention and recovery is being with peers who get it. Not bubble baths, more CE's, or boundaries. But connection.

The ReLit Reset Circle™ is a no cost, monthly gathering for therapists who want to stay in this work without losing themselves, while navigating burnout, moral strain, and the emotional weight of practice inside demanding systems.

Our next gathering is April 14th 7pm EST where our topic will be “Being Good Enough”.

This month's Reset Circle explores the Unrelenting Standards schema and why the clinicians most committed to excellence can fall into the trap of the endless pursuit of excellence which can be another mask for burnout.

We will look at the impact of overfunctioning and what it looks like to practice “enough-ness”.

Register here: https://www.relitpractice.com/circle

References & Links:

Young, J. E., Klosko, J. S., & Weishaar, M. E. (2003). Schema Therapy: A Practitioner's Guide. Guilford Press. https://www.guilford.com/books/Schema-Therapy/Young-Klosko-Weishaar/9781593853723

https://www.routledge.com/The-Resilient-Practitioner/Skovholt-Trotter-Mathison/p/book/9781138830073

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/cpp.70115

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK614517/

https://www.guilford.com/books/DBT-Skills-Training-Manual/Marsha-Linehan/9781462516995

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2213058614200179

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/cpp.2328