Referenced in this Episode 👀
Marriage Helper Couples Workshop: https://bit.ly/3PPVE1C
Stop Trying To Fix Your Marriage Fast: https://youtu.be/GxRUPCSELq8
Submit Your Questions for the Q&A Segment: https://bit.ly/3Tv4287
Save My Marriage Course Waitlist: https://bit.ly/3RBHr9n

Most people try to reconnect by talking about the relationship.

That's exactly why it doesn't work.

You sit them down. You bring up the distance. You ask them how they're feeling. And they shut down harder than before.

I did that with my husband for years. Coffee. Serious face. "Can we talk about us?" It never once went the way I hoped.

What finally worked was something much smaller.

In this episode, I walk through the three steps I used to reconnect with my husband ten years ago. It's also the same three steps I just used with my 11 year old daughter.

Step one. Make intentional time. Not them. You. If you're the one who sees the gap, you're the one who takes the first step to close it. That means putting down the thing that pulls you away. The phone. The work. The hobby. Whatever it is for you.

Step two. Get interested in what they're interested in. Not what you wish they cared about. Not what you want to do together. What lights them up. People who don't feel safe talking about their fears will still talk for an hour about the thing they love.

Step three. Start with something fun so it can go somewhere deep. Laughter comes before honesty. Safety comes before vulnerability. You cannot skip to the hard conversation and expect them to meet you there.

For me and my daughter, it was nachos and the World Cup. For me and my husband, it was Renaissance festivals and a shooting range.

It works in every relationship. Marriage. Kids. Anyone you've drifted from.

If the connection is weak, you move closer to the source.

Also in this episode: I answer three of your questions, including what to do when your spouse distrusts therapy, how to reconcile when you no longer share the same view of marriage, and what to do when you're doing all the work alone and running out of steam. Then we read Psalm 73 together in Study Scripture With Me, and I take on the Hot Seat while holding a wall sit longer than I should have.

Walk. Don't run. There is still hope.

I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended.

The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine."

We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health.

If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here.

New episodes every Thursday.

Don't just exist. Show up.

🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com

🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes

Learn more about the Marriage Helper Couples Workshop: https://marriagehelper.com/couples-workshop/

You are such an idiot.

That is what I said to myself. Out loud. For days.

Over a pair of AirPods.

I left the case on my bumper, drove off, and lost them. Second time I've lost a case. The first time I mailed it away in an Amazon return box.

And I spent the next week beating myself up about it.

Here's the problem with that. The things you think don't stay in your head. They move to your heart. They come out of your mouth. And when you think badly about yourself, you start thinking badly about everyone around you.

What you think about is what you keep thinking about. So make it good.

In this episode, I talk about how to break the negative self-talk spiral and actually move forward instead of ruminating.

Then we get into your questions.

How do you show a reluctant spouse you're a safe place when the only contact you have is sporadic texts about money? Short answer, you can't manufacture the opportunity. But you can be a good steward of the ones you get.

Are kids really resilient after divorce? They are. But they shouldn't have to be. I get honest about why so many people repeat that line, and what the research actually says about kids growing up in high conflict co-parenting.

And what do you do when your spouse says he's leaving so the kids won't have to watch a bad marriage? Fix the marriage. That is the model your kids need. Two people going through something hard and figuring out how to repair it.

In Study Scripture With Me, I'm in 1 Samuel 28. Saul goes to a medium at Endor because God stopped answering him. David asks for the ephod and waits. Two men asking God the same kind of question. One wanting permission, one wanting direction.

If God agrees with everything you want to do, it might be worth asking who you're actually listening to.

Then we close with the hot seat. Ten words or less. Including one piece of advice I've given for years that I've had to correct.

I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended.

The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine."

We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health.

If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here.

New episodes every Thursday.

Don't just exist. Show up.

🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com

🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes

I failed my driver's test before I ever pulled out of the parking lot.

Sixteen years old. Red Miata convertible. The one thing I wanted more than anything.

Gone in under a minute.

I sat through the rest of that test convinced I could win her over. I couldn't. And all I could think about was that everyone at school was going to know. All my friends were going to know. I was the girl who failed.

I've been driving for twenty years now. I almost never think about it.

Here's what I want you to hear. You will fail at things. People will judge you for it. I'm not going to sit here and promise you that everyone is kind and nobody is watching, because that isn't true. Sometimes they are watching. Sometimes they are judging.

But you only get two options.

Sit in it and let it define you.

Or decide what you do next.

Maybe right now the failure everyone can see is your marriage. Your spouse left. You're the one sitting alone at church. Your kids are struggling and people notice. It feels like your whole life is on display and you're the cautionary tale.

You still get to decide what comes next.

Also in this episode, I'm answering your questions.

How do you carry the emotional pain of a spouse who has been unfaithful and is telling people lies about you.

Why your husband may be hiding the truth from you, and the uncomfortable question you have to ask yourself before trust can ever get rebuilt. Fair warning, this is the kind of answer that gets me hate mail.

What to do when your spouse moves back home but sleeps in the guest room and clearly isn't there for the marriage.

Then Coach Meredith joins me to talk about what she's seeing inside the Coaching Lab, why people make progress faster in groups, and how much it changes things when someone finally notices you're growing.

In Study Scripture With Me, we're in Psalm 23. I walked that terrain in Israel and it completely changed how I read this psalm. Sheep don't lie down because you make them. Sheep lie down because they feel safe. That one detail reframes the entire thing.

And in the Hot Seat, I answered rapid fire questions while doing burpees. We still don't agree on how many I actually did.

You will fail. Things will not go as planned. People will judge you.

Get back up, drive forward, and prove them wrong.

I'm Dr. Kimberly Beam Holmes. After a decade transforming marriages at Marriage Helper, I've realized that the greatest tragedy isn't a failed relationship; it's the person who stays stuck and never experiences the fullness of all God intended.

The Way You Show Up is for the high-achiever who is tired of "fine."

We're dismantling the average life to build an exceptional one—using the science of the PIES: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual health.

If you want to save your marriage, go to Marriage Helper. If you want to master yourself and lead your legacy, stay here.

New episodes every Thursday.

Don't just exist. Show up.

🔗 Website: https://kimberlybeamholmes.com

🎥YouTube https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kimberlybeamholmes