Some days, I wish I weren't a mom. I have never said it publicly until now. You might want headphones or to listen alone.

This season, I’m walking into the house of motherhood as a daughter of four mothers. There are rooms I visit every day but never had a name for.

I’ve been wondering who else has them. Apparently, I’m not the only one. I’m walking in first.

Join me every two weeks to enter a new room.

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https://theunhurriedmama.substack.com/

My twelve-year-old wandered into the kitchen while I was chopping vegetables. Watched me for a beat. Then said, almost to herself: You seem more relaxed. Like, in general. Compared to a few years ago.

She could see it from two feet away. I'd been too close to notice.

This is the season finale and the real version of how I got here. Not the one that opens with wisdom. The one that starts in a bathtub in September 2021, with a seven-year-old who just wanted to sleep, and a mother who couldn't stop, and a husband who heard the crying and said kids forget.

She didn't remember the bathtub. She noticed me in the kitchen at four o'clock.

That was all the evidence I needed.

Season 2 is coming—and it starts closer to home than you think.

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I was nine years old when I asked for a ring at a Pow Wow—a little play thing, probably 50 cents, sitting in a foam slot in a plain box. It caught the light just enough to make me feel like a princess. I asked for it the way children ask before they've learned to shrink their wants down to something more acceptable. She said yes.

That night, my mother made me give it back.

I didn't know it then, but something got written into my body that lived there for decades. This episode is about what gets handed to us before we have words for it, and what becomes possible for our children when we finally decide to look at it.

Subscribe to Substack for weekly show notes and free meditations: https://substack.com/@theunhurriedmama

This podcast has a book coming. If you want to be the first to read it, the early reader form is waiting for you: https://tinyurl.com/pmeydthm