Content note: This episode discusses undiagnosed illness, medical uncertainty, and the emotional toll of waiting for answers.

If you're in crisis, call or text 988 (US Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). You are not alone.

Episode 50 of The Support and Kindness Podcast sits in a place that is honestly a little hard to name. Medical limbo, the space between knowing something is wrong and getting anyone to confirm it, is one of those experiences that can wear you down in ways that don't show up on a chart.

Greg, Rich, and Liam work through ten listener questions on this topic together: why diagnosis takes so long, how to advocate without being dismissed, what happens to your relationships when you have no label for what you're carrying, and how to hold on to hope when the timeline keeps stretching.

The What's on Your Heart section brings some real warmth and a bit of humor, and the weekly challenge gives listeners a practical tool they can take into their next appointment.

This is peer support, not medical advice, and it is the kind of honest conversation that the show does best.

• Greg Shaw, Host

• Rich, Co-Host

• Liam, Co-Host

Sarah is not in this episode (family engagement).

• [00:00] Welcome and content warning

• [00:01] What is medical limbo? Intro read

• [00:03] Stats and context on diagnostic error

• [00:04] Episode overview and format

• [00:04] Q1: What does medical limbo mean to you?

• [00:07] Q2: Why does diagnosis take so long?

• [00:09] Q3: Why can a hard diagnosis feel like relief?

• [00:10] Q4: How do you advocate without coming across as difficult?

• [00:13] Q5: When should you get a second opinion?

• [00:14] Q6: How does mental health support fit in?

• [00:16] Q7: What does ongoing uncertainty do to the body and mind?

• [00:18] Q8: How does no diagnosis affect your relationships?

• [00:21] Q9: What's it like going through every step with no answer?

• [00:25] Q10: Undiagnosed vs. unexplained vs. misdiagnosed

• [00:25] Q11: Separating anxiety from physical symptoms

• [00:26] Q12: Can preexisting conditions cause doctors to miss new symptoms?

• [00:30] Q13: How do you balance work, relationships, and hope?

• [00:34] What's on Your Heart

• [00:38] Closing summary and weekly challenge

• [00:42] Call to action and support group information

• Medical limbo is real. It is the space between having symptoms and getting a diagnosis, and it carries its own form of suffering.

• A normal test result does not mean nothing is wrong. It means that specific test did not find a cause.

• Receiving even a difficult diagnosis can bring relief, because it gives you a target.

• Advocacy tips: bring a short written list of symptoms, book a longer appointment, ask for next steps in writing, and bring someone you trust.

• You are entitled to a second opinion. Your doctor's feelings will survive it.

• Mental health support is not a substitute for physical care. It is a parallel track.

• The stress of not knowing can be just as draining as the physical symptoms themselves.

• When you have no diagnosis, relationships can fray. Communication and honest conversations matter.

• Just keep showing up. One day at a time, one hour at a time.

Approximately 5% of US adults receiving outpatient care experience a diagnostic error each year. Most people will encounter at least one in their lifetime. (National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine, 2015)

People with rare diseases wait an average of nearly 5 years for a diagnosis, after visiting numerous specialists. (EURORDIS Rare Diseases Europe, 2020 Patient Survey)

• Episode 6: Medical Gaslighting (kindnessrx.org/podcast/medical-gaslighting) — Greg references this episode directly during the show. The closest companion piece on the podcast.

Content note: this episode discusses emotional abuse, controlling relationship dynamics, and burnout. If you feel controlled or unsafe in a relationship, you are not alone.

US: National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233,or text START to 88788.

You ask someone to do a task they have done before, and it goes wrong every time, until you give up and do it yourself.

That loop has a name: weaponized incompetence.

Greg, Rich, and Sarah define what it is, and what it is not, then work through four scenarios that get more complicated with every detail.

In this episode:• What weaponized incompetence is, and why deliberateness is the dividing line• When it is NOT the answer: ADHD, brain injury, anxiety, learned helplessness, and real skill gaps• The one test that cuts through it: is the person suffering from the avoidance, or benefiting from it?• The health cost of being the one who always notices, plans, and follows through• One honest question to carry into your own week

Chapters:00:00 Welcome and what weaponized incompetence is02:00 When it is not weaponized incompetence03:00 The numbers and the history05:00 Roundtable: what it is and what it is not07:00 Why people keep doing it10:00 What it looks like at home and at work15:00 Learned helplessness vs strategic evasion16:00 The real health cost, and how to address it19:00 Four paradigm-shifting scenarios31:00 What’s on your heart this week35:00 Summary, challenge, and the support groups

This episode featured Greg Shaw with co-hosts Rich and Sarah.

💜 Free weekly peer support groups:

Brain Injury (Mon 1PM ET)

Chronic Pain (Tue 12PM ET)

Mental Health (Wed 7:30PM ET)

Sign up or RSVP: kindnessrx.org/groups

Help keep the groups free: buymeacoffee.com/kindnessrx

Connect: KindnessRX.org

Newsletter kindnessrx.beehiiv.com

Invisible Illness: When You Don’t Look Sick

Content note: this episode discusses living with chronic illness, being dismissed by doctors and loved ones, and the toll of not being believed. Be gentle with yourself as you listen.

“You don’t look sick.” Four words usually meant kindly — that can land like a door quietly closing.

This week we widen the lens past any one diagnosis to the whole landscape of invisible illness: the pain, fatigue, and brain fog nobody else can see, and the small shifts in language that turn a sting into care.

Greg, Rich, and Liam get into the phrases that wound, the gentler swaps that help, why symptoms swing hour to hour, spoon theory and the drained-battery metaphor, invisible illness at work and your rights, and how to believe people without pitying them.

What we coverWhy appearance is never a measure of health“You don’t look sick”: dismissal, doubt, isolation — and what to say instead

Fluctuation, spoon theory, and the battery that won’t hold a charge

Accommodations at work without handing over your diagnosis

Parking spots, cancellations, and catching your own snap judgments

Chapters00:00 Introduction & why invisible illness matters04:00 “You don’t look sick” — the words that wound06:15 Simple swaps that land as care09:15 Medical gaslighting & wanting to be heard12:00 Unsolicited advice & grace16:45 “But you were fine yesterday” — fluctuation19:00 Spoon theory & the cell-phone battery24:30 Invisible illness at work & the ADA32:00 Judgment, mobility & believing without pity35:45 Real-life scenarios42:30 What’s on your heart46:45 Summary, challenge & closing

This episode featured Greg (host), Rich, and Liam.

💜 Free weekly peer support groups:

Brain Injury (Mon 1PM ET)

Chronic Pain (Tue 12PM ET)

Mental Health (Wed 7:30PM ET)

Sign up / RSVP: https://kindnessrx.org/groups

Help keep the groups free: https://buymeacoffee.com/kindnessrx

Connect: https://kindnessrx.org

Newsletter: https://kindnessrx.org/news

Listen to more: https://kindnessrx.org/listen

Content note: This episode discusses chronic illness, chronic pain, depression, and anxiety.

If you're struggling, call or text 988 (US) for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Fibromyalgia is invisible on the outside and relentless on the inside - and still too often met with "it's all in your head."

In our first-ever guest episode, occupational therapist and fibromyalgia coach Linda Fraas explains what fibromyalgia actually is, why it's so hard to diagnose, and how people build a livable life around it. Part science, part 25 years of lived experience, all heart.

In this episode:

• What fibromyalgia is - and why it's a condition, not an imagined one

• The car-alarm metaphor for a hypersensitive nervous system

• Fibro fog, fatigue, and the sleep trap

• The push-crash cycle and how pacing breaks it

• Being dismissed - and why being believed is medicine

• Movement, nutrition, tracking, and self-advocacy that actually help

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction & meet Linda Fraas

(01:01) Linda's background and her diagnosis

(04:06) The long road to a diagnosis

(08:05) What fibromyalgia took away

(13:23) What fibromyalgia actually is (the car-alarm metaphor)

(17:29) Beyond pain: fibro fog, fatigue, and sleep

(21:29) The push-crash cycle

(26:37) "It's all in your head": being dismissed

(41:01) Daily life: pacing, movement, and nutrition

(55:30) Self-advocacy and finding hope

(1:21:44) This week's challenge

Featuring Greg with Rich, Liam, and Sarah, plus special guest Linda Fraas (torchlightvitality.com).

💜 Free weekly peer support groups:

Chronic Pain (Tue 12 PM ET)

Brain Injury (Mon 1 PM ET)

Mental Health (Wed 7:30 PM ET)

Sign up / RSVP: kindnessrx.org/groups

☕ Help keep the groups free: Click Here

Newsletter: Click Here

Content note: This episode discusses cyberbullying, online harassment, and scams.

Nothing is graphic. If you’re in crisis, call or text 988 anytime — the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is free and available 24/7.

We treat online life like it’s less real than the rest of our lives — but there’s a real person on the other side of every screen, and a post can outlast the moment that made it.

This week Greg, Rich, Liam, and Sarah work through six ordinary posting dilemmas — from a joke scheduled before bad news to a friend live-tagging an empty house — and land on one simple habit that makes almost every gray area easier.

It’s not a lecture about doing it wrong. It’s permission to slow down the half-second before you hit “post.”

In this episode:

• Why “deleted” doesn’t always mean gone

• Consent — for kids, friends, screenshots, and stories that aren’t only yours

• Digital footprints, oversharing, and how a post can follow you to work

• Scams, privacy, and what actually keeps you safer

• Cyberbullying and how to step out of a pile-on

• The five questions to ask before you post

Chapters

(00:00) Introduction & the hard questions

(06:38) Read the room before you post

(19:09) Your digital footprint, oversharing & work

(30:06) Consent, kids, screenshots & ownership

(46:26) Privacy, safety & online scams

(48:22) Cyberbullying, pile-ons & trolls

(58:37) False posts & when to speak up

(1:07:33) What’s on your heart this week

(1:11:16) Recap, challenge & closing

This episode: Greg with Rich, Liam & Sarah.

💜 Free weekly peer support groups:

Brain Injury (Mon 1PM ET),

Chronic Pain (Tue 12PM ET),

Mental Health (Wed 7:30PM ET).

Sign up / RSVP: https://kindnessrx.org/groups

Support the show (keeps the groups free)

Connect: https://kindnessrx.org

Newsletter

Episode 45: Are People Really Getting Ruder?

Public Etiquette in a Distracted World

Nearly half of Americans say people have gotten ruder since the pandemic — but 84% say they personally know exactly how to behave.

Both can’t be true.

This week Greg, Rich, and Sarah ask whether people are really getting ruder, or whether “rude” is mostly about perception, expectation, and capacity.

We reframe rudeness as a gap — the space between what you expected and what you got — then walk through six everyday “Is it rude?” scenarios where hidden context flips the verdict every time:

• the waiting-room speakerphone
• the bus seat
• being filmed in public
• the dog in the grocery cart
• the friend who cancels by text
• and the loud “correction.”

Along the way: what invisible disability looks like from the outside, why most rudeness is overwhelm rather than malice, and the one thing you can always control - your own reaction.

In this episode: - Why “rude” is a gap, not a fixed behavior - The 47% / 84% paradox from Pew’s rudeness survey -

Capacity vs. character: why overwhelm drives most rudeness - Six “Is it rude?” scenarios — and how context changes each one - Extending grace (to others and yourself)

Chapters:

(00:00) Welcome & intro

(01:47) Defining rudeness: “face” and the numbers

(05:49) What does “rude” first bring to mind?

(09:41) The post-pandemic shift

(13:44) Capacity, sensory needs & being misjudged

(24:20) Fading etiquette: phones, holidays, meals

(30:50) Common Questions: six “Is it rude?” scenarios

(45:22) Extending grace

(51:14) What’s on your heart: Liam’s 50th

(53:23) Closing & weekly challenge

This episode featured Greg, Rich, and Sarah.

💜 Free weekly peer support groups:

• Brain Injury (Mon 1PM ET)
• Chronic Pain (Tue 12PM ET)
• Mental Health (Wed 7:30PM ET)

Sign up / RSVP: https://kindnessrx.org/groups

Help keep the groups free: https://buymeacoffee.com/kindnessrx

Connect: https://kindnessrx.org

Newsletter: https://kindnessrx.org/newsletter

Episode 44

Content note: This episode discusses suicidal thinking and the ways some AI tools have responded poorly to people in crisis, including young people. If you're struggling, you're not alone. In the US, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. International listeners: please contact your local crisis line.It's 2 a.m. Your chest is tight, your mind is racing, everyone you love is asleep — and the phone on your nightstand will answer you right now. It won't sigh. It won't judge. More and more people are reaching for that glowing screen. So we asked an honest question: can a chatbot really help your mental health?Greg, Rich and Liam talk it through with no script and no sales pitch — the real promise, the real limits, and the risks nobody's regulating yet. We go back to 1966 and the MIT scientist who built the first therapy chatbot and then spent the rest of his life warning people about it. We look at what the research actually found, both the hopeful and the alarming. And we land somewhere practical: a journal that talks back is not a therapist, and it should never be your crisis plan.WHAT WE COVERELIZA (1966), the "ELIZA effect," and why this debate is almost 60 years old

Dartmouth's Therabot trial: depression symptoms down ~51%, anxiety ~31%, eating disorder concerns ~19%

Stanford's 2025 findings — chatbots that stigmatized schizophrenia and alcohol dependence, and one that answered a crisis question with a list of tall bridges

Nearly 1 in 5 young people ages 12–21 have used an AI chatbot for mental health advice — and most haven't told a single person

Why a bot built to be agreeable is the opposite of what real support sometimes requires

The privacy question: who owns your most private thoughts?

The APA's November 2025 advisory — a tool, not a replacement

Warm lines: a free, human alternative when you're not in crisis but you are lonelyCHAPTERS(00:00) The 2 a.m. phone(01:13) What an AI therapy chatbot actually is(02:03) The numbers, and why cost drives this(03:01) ELIZA, 1966 — and the man who warned us(05:47) Rich and Liam on trust, machines and the ELIZA effect(11:19) The promising side: Dartmouth's Therabot trial(14:20) WebMD, Google, and shame-free searching(18:09) Stanford's findings and the bridge question(23:56) When "always agreeable" turns dangerous(28:14) What the APA actually says(32:12) What careful use looks like(36:13) What's on your heart this week(41:15) Your challenge and closingTHIS EPISODE: Hosted by Greg Shaw with co-hosts Rich and Liam.YOUR CHALLENGE THIS WEEK: Take one thing you'd normally type into a screen — a worry, a win, a "today was hard" — and say it to an actual human instead. A machine can hold your words. A person can hold you.💜 Free weekly peer support groups:

Brain Injury (Mon 1PM ET)

Chronic Pain (Tue 12PM ET)

Mental Health (Wed 7:30PM ET).

Sign up / RSVP: https://kindnessrx.org/groups☕ Our groups are free and always will be. Help keep them that way: https://buymeacoffee.com/kindnessrxCONNECT WITH KINDNESSRXWebsite: https://kindnessrx.orgListen to every episode: https://kindnessrx.org/listenNewsletter: https://kindnessrx.beehiiv.com/YouTube & social: @KindnessRXCrisis support: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — call or text 988 (US). https://988lifeline.org

This week we skipped the script for a real fireside chat.

Greg, Rich, and Liam talk about what it actually takes to get by when money is tight — and why needing help is nothing to be ashamed of.

With costs climbing and grocery budgets shrinking, more of us are leaning on food pantries, benefits, and community help than ever.

Liam shares how treatment for alcohol quietly changed his life and connected him to a disability attorney, SNAP, and food pantries.

Rich brings years of food-pantry volunteering — and a story about being treated like a checklist instead of a person.

Together they land on peer support specialists, then drift into soccer, coaching kids, drums, and why a healthy hobby can quietly save a life.

What we get into:Why asking for help is not a stigma — you're not alone in itHow recovery and treatment can open unexpected doors to resourcesWhere to actually start looking: mental health agencies, rehabs, churchesOhio's PIPP for utility bills, and Dress for Success for interview clothingPeer support specialists: lived experience as a strengthHealthy hobbies as a protective factor — sports and music

Chapters:(00:00) Welcome & who's here today(02:00) Getting help is not a stigma(03:00) The cost-of-living squeeze(03:47) Liam's recovery story & finding resources(06:25) PIPP & help with utility bills(08:00) Food pantries & where to start looking(11:37) Peer support specialists(13:27) Seen as a person, not a checklist(17:05) Grassroots sports, music & healthy hobbies(31:42) Warm lines, 988 & closing

This episode featured Greg, Rich, and Liam.

Not in crisis but need to talk? Call or text 988, or search NAMI's warmline directory.

💜 Free weekly peer support groups:

Brain Injury (Mon 1PM ET)

Chronic Pain (Tue 12PM ET)

Mental Health (Wed 7:30PM ET)

Sign up / RSVP: https://kindnessrx.org/groupsKeep the groups free: https://buymeacoffee.com/kindnessrxConnect: kindnessrx.org · Newsletter: kindnessrx.beehiiv.com