Welcome back to the Support and Kindness Podcast, I'm your host, Greg Shaw, and I just wanted to let you know that we're not going to actually air a podcast this week. We've got some people who are sick this week, some people who are on vacation, and some people are just playing hooky.

Rich and I did record an episode for you, but unfortunately, yours truly had the audio settings wrong, and the audio just did not turn out, and I didn't want to bring it to you with all distortion and everything else like that.

You deserve better than that. So, take a break this week. Put your feet up and rest. But I did want to let you know about some really exciting things which are coming your way. The next podcast that we're doing is episode 38, and it's what you can actually control. We're going to talk about things that are within your control and things that are not within your control, what you can control, what you can't.

So that's something to look forward to. We're looking forward to that. And then after that, the next week is going to be adult ADHD, what you need to know. And followed by that, we're going to talk about kindness at work or kindness with a theme of work, and how much is kindness actually worth, and we'll spell out the cost of being kind at work and not being kind at work.

How much does it cost businesses in turnover, retention, and all of that good stuff. So we've got some really cool stuff coming your way. So, take it easy this week and be kind to somebody, and we'll see you soon on the Support and Kindness podcast. Have a great week.

Content note: This episode discusses mental health crisis, panic attacks, and suicidal thinking. If you're struggling, call or text 988 (US Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). International listeners: please use your local crisis line.When you cut your finger, you reach for the first aid kit. But what do you reach for when your heart is breaking, when anxiety floods you at 3 a.m., or when grief makes it impossible to get out of bed? Most of us were never taught.In Episode 37, Greg, Rich, Derek, Liam, and Sarah unpack what actually goes in an emotional first aid kit — and why you have to build it before the crisis, not during it.

Liam reframes the whole thing as an emotional utility belt.

Sarah shares how counting pulled her out of panic attacks.

Rich realizes he's been using tools he never named.

Derek leans on music as a full emotional journey.

And Greg gets honest about the fact that he doesn't have a kit yet either.What you'll take away:The difference between an emotional first aid kit and therapyReal, specific tools — grounding, frozen water bottles, stuffed animals, music, counting, naps, beading

• Why your kit needs to be quick to reach for, not just well-stocked
• How to adapt your kit for pain, brain injury, or any chronic condition
• The one thing Greg challenges you to build this weekChapters00:00 Introduction03:11 Surprising tools that helped07:31 Kit vs. therapy09:13 Where to start12:23 What actually goes in the kit18:42 Can the kit replace professional care?23:02 Using the kit when you can't think straight25:59 Adapting for pain and brain injury29:34 Freeform sharing34:27 What's on your heart43:29 Listener challenge & closingThis episode featured: Greg, Rich, Derek, Liam, Sarah

💜 Free weekly peer support groups:

• Brain Injury (Mon 1PM ET)

• Chronic Pain (Tue 12PM ET)

• Mental Health (Wed 7:30PM ET).

Details: https://kindnessrx.org

Help keep the support groups free: https://buymeacoffee.com/kindnessrx

Monthly newsletter: https://substack.com/@supportandkindness

YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@kindnessRX

Some people look fine on the outside.

• They show up.
• They answer the messages.
• They get the work done.
• They check on everyone else.
• They smile, laugh, and keep life moving.

But inside, they may feel exhausted, numb, disconnected, or quietly overwhelmed.

In this episode of The Support and Kindness Podcast, Greg, Rich, Derek, Liam, and Sarah talk honestly about what many people call high-functioning depression, functional depression, or smiling depression.

This is not a formal diagnosis, but it is a real experience many people recognize: struggling internally while still appearing capable, responsible, or “fine” on the outside.

Together, we talk about:

• Why “functioning” does not always mean someone is okay

• Why people often say “I’m fine” when they are not

• How depression can show up as numbness, irritability, isolation, over-performing, or humor

• What the mask can cost in relationships

• How chronic pain, brain injury, grief, trauma, caregiving, and long-term stress can add emotional weight

• Why music, therapy, honest connection, and peer support can matter

• The small challenge of telling one safe person one true thing

This episode is a gentle reminder that you do not have to fall apart publicly to deserve support. The mask does not have to come off all at once. Sometimes it begins with one honest sentence.

This week’s challenge:

Pick one safe person and tell them one true thing about how you are really doing.

Examples:

• “Honestly, I’m running on empty.”“
• This week has been heavier than it looks.”
• “I’m holding it together, but barely.”
• “I could use someone checking in on me.”

Support Groups at KindnessRX.org

KindnessRX.org offers free, peer-led online support groups:

Brain Injury Support Group — Mondays at 1:00 PM Eastern

Pain Support Group — Tuesdays at 12:00 PM Eastern

Mental Health Group — Wednesdays at 7:30 PM Eastern

• These groups are peer-led and supportive.

They are not a replacement for therapy, medical care, or crisis services.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, self-harm, or feel you may not be safe, call or text 988 in the United States or contact emergency services right away.

Learn more at KindnessRX.org.

The neuroscience of intrusive memory, shame, and why old cringe moments can feel so alive at night

Why does your brain wait until the quietest part of the night to replay something awkward from years ago? In this episode of the Support and Kindness Podcast, Greg, Rich, Liam, Tony, and Sarah explore intrusive memories, shame, guilt, embarrassment, and the strange power of those 3 AM mental replays.

Greg explains that these memories are not proof that something is wrong with us. They are often part of the brain’s protective system: the amygdala flags emotionally charged moments, the hippocampus stores them, and the prefrontal cortex helps us regulate them.

But stress, trauma, chronic pain, depression, anxiety, brain injury, and poor sleep can make that regulation harder.

The group also explores the difference between guilt and shame: guilt says, “I did something bad,” while shame says, “I am bad.” Guilt can guide growth; shame can make us feel stuck.

Main Takeaways

• Intrusive memories are common and do not mean you are broken.

• Shame sticks because the brain treats social rejection as a threat to belonging.

• 3 AM can be a vulnerable time because stress rises, distractions disappear, and the mind starts scanning for unresolved concerns.

• Memory is not a fixed recording. With compassion, humor, and distance, the emotional charge around a memory can soften.

• Naming the memory, stepping back from it, using the “friend test,” and gently changing the channel can help interrupt the loop.

Voices from the Conversation

Rich shared how brain injury changed the way memories and emotions show up for him. A memory can suddenly bring tears “completely unrelated” to the moment he is in. His key response is honesty: letting trusted people know what is happening instead of hiding it.

Liam reflected on the difference between shame and guilt, saying it helped him stop seeing himself as “a bad person” and instead recognize that he made mistakes he can learn from. He also shared a personal cringe memory he carried for nearly 30 years and how self-work has helped soften it.

Tony connected with the spotlight effect and said he has often discovered that something he worried about “never even registered” with other people. One reminder that helped him was: “What people think of me is none of my business.” Tony also referenced a James Hillman talk connected to The Force of Character and the Lasting Life, where Hillman explores aging, night waking, character, and becoming an elder or ancestor.

Tony’s YouTube link:

Sarah brought humor and grace to the conversation, joking, “I just thought it was menopause,” while reminding listeners that mistakes can carry lessons without becoming lifelong shame. Her message was simple: learn from the “hot stove,” but do not keep beating yourself up for touching it.

Greg reminded listeners that everyone has their own private 3 AM movie. The goal is not to erase the memory, but to stop adding shame to it.

This Week’s Challenge

The next time an old embarrassing memory shows up, do not fight it and do not feed it. Say: “This is my brain doing its job. I’m safe now. That moment does not define me.” You do not owe your past self-shame. You owe them grace.

Free Weekly Peer-Led Support Groups

We host free online live weekly peer-led support groups:

Mondays at 1:00 PM Eastern

Brain Injury Support Group

Tuesdays at 12:00 PM Eastern

Chronic Pain Support Group

Wednesdays at 7:30 PM Eastern

Mental Health Support Group

You are cordially invited!

👉 Sign‑up Click Here

Subscribe, leave a rating or review, and share this episode with someone who needs the reminder that they are not alone.

Find us at: KindnessRX.org

Episode 33 — Grief Without a Death

Navigating the Grief of Friendships, Family, and Careers

Hosts: Greg Shaw, Rich, Derek, Liam, Sarah

Episode Overview

This episode names a kind of grief many people carry silently: grief without a death.

Greg and the co‑hosts explore living loss—the grief that comes from friendships that fade, family relationships that fracture, and careers or identities that end while the people involved are still alive.

Drawing from grief research and deeply personal stories, the conversation validates pain that often goes unseen and unsupported.

The episode grounds the discussion in two key concepts:

• Ambiguous Loss (Dr. Pauline Boss): grief without closure or resolution.

• Disenfranchised Grief (Dr. Kenneth Doka): grief society does not fully recognize or support.

The result is a compassionate, honest conversation that gives listeners language, permission, and practical ways to live with loss that cannot be “fixed.”

Key Themes & Takeaways

• Grief does not require death to be real.

• Friendship loss can be as painful as bereavement, especially when there is no clear ending.

• Family estrangement carries grief even when the distance was necessary for safety.

• Career loss often creates identity grief, not just financial stress.

• Closure is not always possible—and that does not mean healing is impossible.

• Naming grief reduces shame and isolation.

Voices from the Round Table

Greg (Host)

Greg reframes grief by naming it clearly and accurately.

“Naming the loss matters. Saying ‘this is grief,’ even if no one died, is not being dramatic—it’s accurate.”

Key insight: With living loss, the goal is not closure but learning how to carry what cannot be resolved.

Rich

Rich shares the grief of losing his coaching career due to health issues.

“I lost my identity, my structure, and my community all at once.”

Observation: Finding new ways to contribute—like mentoring and online coaching—helped him stay connected to what mattered.

Derek

Derek reflects on layered grief tied to family, relocation, and chosen estrangement.

“Estrangement can be a choice made for safety, and there can still be grief in that.”

Revelation: He names the tension of holding gratitude for what remains while grieving what no longer exists.

Liam

Liam speaks candidly about job loss, injury, divorce, and parental relationships.

“It didn’t just change my job—it changed my identity and my entire direction.”

Key point: Grief includes not only what ended, but how it ended, especially when it was unnecessary or harmful.

Sarah

Sarah highlights long‑term grief tied to chronic pain, disability, and changing family roles.

“I feel like I’ve been grieving for 15 years, but nobody ever gave me permission to call it that.”

Observation: Ongoing illness creates layered loss that requires support, patience, and healthy coping.

Common Questions Answered

• Is it normal to grieve a friendship that isn’t officially over?

• Can you grieve an estrangement you chose?

• Why does job loss feel like losing yourself?

• Is closure real—or a myth?

The consensus: grief is complex, personal, and does not follow tidy rules.

The Challenge This Week

Name one living loss you have never said out loud.

Write it or say it: “I’m grieving this.”

No fixing. No verdict. Just naming it.

Free Peer‑Led Support Groups

You don’t have to carry this alone. We host free, live, online peer‑led support groups every week:

Mondays at 1:00 pm Eastern

Brain Injury Support Group
Tuesdays at 12:00 pm Eastern

Chronic Pain Support Group
Wednesdays at 7:30 pm Eastern

Mental Health Support Group

You are warmly invited. 👉 Sign‑up Click Here

Grief that doesn’t have a funeral still counts.

You are allowed to name it.

You are allowed to carry it with support.

Episode 31: When Your Brain Won’t Let You Rest:

The Exhaustion No One Sees

Hosts: Greg, Rich, Jay, Derek, Liam, Tony

This episode centers on a kind of exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix, and others often can’t see. Greg and the team unpack mental and emotional exhaustion—how it builds, why it lingers, and what it feels like to live with a brain that never fully powers down.

Through research, lived experience, and honest conversation, the group names what so many feel but struggle to explain.

Mental exhaustion is not just stress or being tired. It is deep cognitive and emotional depletion, often driven by chronic stress, trauma, anxiety, caregiving, pain, or brain injury.

Many people keep functioning on the outside while running on empty inside. This episode gives language to that experience and reminds listeners they are not alone.

Key Themes & Takeaways

• Mental exhaustion is real and different from everyday stress

• Hypervigilance keeps the nervous system stuck on high alert

• Sleep doesn’t always restore when the brain never shuts off

• Brain fog, irritability, insomnia, and physical symptoms often go unseen

• Chronic pain, addiction recovery, trauma, and brain injury increase the load

• Recovery often starts with awareness, pauses, and small acts of real rest

Voices & Noteworthy Insights

Greg

“It’s the kind of tiredness that lives in your bones, your brain, your soul.”Greg defines mental exhaustion and emphasizes that it’s not weakness or laziness. He reminds listeners: "You don’t have to earn rest, and you don’t have to deserve it.”

Rich

“Mental exhaustion is a whole different level—like the difference between a headache and a migraine. "

Rich connects brain fog, seizures, and caregiving, sharing how exhaustion makes it hard to keep up and feel equal in daily life.

Jay

“I can be stressed and not exhausted—but exhaustion changes everything. "

Jay highlights less visible signs like stomach pain, insomnia, and irritability, and shares how recovery from addiction lifted constant mental strain.

Derek

“It’s like mental pong—coulda, shoulda, woulda—over and over. "

Derek explains how anxiety and brain injury trap the mind in replay loops, leading to burnout, and reflects on finding meaning in small present‑moment experiences.

Liam

“There wasn’t time to think ‘this sucks.’ There was only time to survive. "

Liam shares a powerful story of sobriety, divorce, disability, and resilience, noting how mental exhaustion can become normalized—and how self‑love changes everything.

Tony

“I stopped saying ‘I am exhausted’ and started saying ‘I’m experiencing exhaustion.’

Tony discusses caregiver fatigue, over‑identifying with problem‑solving, and the value of pausing, body awareness, and simple grounding practices like walking in the woods.

Episode Challenge

Set aside a few minutes each day where your brain does not have to plan, fix, scroll, or worry. Step outside, breathe slowly, and let your nervous system stand down—even briefly.

Free Peer‑Led Support Groups

You don’t have to figure this out alone. We host free, live, online weekly peer‑led support groups, and you are warmly invited:

Mondays at 1:00 PM Eastern

Brain Injury Support Group

Tuesdays at 12:00 PM Eastern

Chronic Pain Support Group

Wednesdays at 7:30 PM Eastern

Mental Health Support Group

👉 Sign‑up Click Here

If this episode felt familiar, know this: the exhaustion you carry is real, it makes sense, and support is available. You are allowed to rest, and you do not have to do this alone.