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You are doing all the things. Showing up, creating, working with clients, building something so amazing and still there is this little voice underneath it all, the sense that you are not fully in it yet.

Half in half out feels like playing it safe and it is actually the most exhausting thing you can do. Because full commitment takes less energy than the negotiation happening inside you every single day.

In this episode, I break down exactly what is running that negotiation at a subconscious level and how it's your brain's three most sophisticated filters working together to keep you exactly where your current map says you belong.

You will learn what deletion, distortion and generalisation actually are, how they show up specifically in the way you create content, price your offers, and move through your days, and the three step process to start catching them, interrupting them and rewriting the map entirely.

Journalling prompts from this episode:

Deletion - catch what your brain has been filtering out

• If you knew your brain had been filtering out proof of how capable you actually are, what would it have been hiding from you? What results, moments or feedback have you filed away as not quite enough to count and what would change if you actually let them count?

Distortion - find where you have been bending reality.

• Think about the last time something didn't go the way you wanted. What story did you make it mean about you, the real story, the one underneath the one you told out loud. What is the most accurate, most generous and most true interpretation of what actually happened?

Generalisation - break the rule that became a life sentence.

• What is the rule you are living by right now about what is possible for you? Where did it come from? And what does the version of you who wrote that rule need to know now that she could not have known back then?

1. Apply to work with me
2. The Subconscious Membership
3. Come say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

Ep 267. Your Identity Shift Feels like Sh*t? Good, Keep Going!

Secondary gain is the reason you keep pulling back every time things start working. Not because you're lazy. Not because you don't want it. But because your subconscious is getting something from keeping you exactly where you are.

In today's episode, I'm walking you through the exact process I use with my 1:1 clients to find what causes self-sabotaging behaviours, the NLP techniques I use to uncover subconscious patterns running underneath, and the four prompts that will help you figure out what your secondary gain actually is.

I'm also sharing a personal story from when I was a kid doing song and dance competitions that I only recently connected to why I pull back from visibility in my business.

If you've ever asked yourself, "why do I self-sabotage when things are going well," this episode is going to hit differently. Grab a pen. You're going to need it!

1. What is secondary gain?
2. Why do you self-sabotage when things are going well even when you've done so much work on yourself?
3. The subconscious patterns I recently discovered underneath my visibility behaviour.
4. How to find the exact moment your secondary gain kicks in using NLP techniques.
5. What causes self-sabotaging behaviours after a wave of momentum?
6. The four-step process to uncover your self-sabotage patterns, secondary gain behind them, name it and start to shift it.

1. Find the pattern

1. What is the exact moment it happens for you?
2. What was going right before you pulled back?

Find all the journal prompts at https://rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/your-self-sabotage-has-a-payoff-that-you-dont-know-about-heres-how-to-find-your-secondary-gain

1. Apply to work with me
2. The Subconscious Membership
3. Come say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

1. 199. What Are You Gaining from Staying Where You Are?
2. 132. Harnessing the Reticular Activating System to Turn Dreams into Reality
3. 117. Moving Out of Victim Mentality

Every single boundary in business I ever broke, I could justify. I told myself I was being responsive, being committed, being a good coach... But underneath all of that? I was terrified. Terrified that if I wasn't always available, people would leave. That if I said no, I wasn't valuable. And those people pleasing tendencies didn't start in my business. They started way before that, in a subconscious programme I picked up before I was seven years old.

In today's episode, I'm walking you through my own boundary journey, from answering client messages at ridiculous hours to scaling a business by 70% the year I had my daughter Ivy, all in roughly 24 work hours a week. I'm sharing with you why your subconscious is literally wired to trample your own boundaries, why you keep saying one thing and doing the opposite, and the five types of boundaries with clients and in your life that actually allow you to hold more without burning out.

If you keep stretching and stretching and wondering why something always breaks, this episode is for you! Ready to learn how to set healthy boundaries? Tune in now!

1. Why your people-pleasing tendencies are the real reason your business boundaries keep crumbling
2. What your brain has to do with why you can't hold boundaries in business (and no, it didn't start with your last client)
3. How I went from answering messages at ridiculous times to scaling a business by 70% on less than 24 hours a week
4. Why every boundary in business you break is actually teaching your subconscious that you can't be trusted
5. The five types of boundaries you need if you want to scale without your sanity jumping out the window
6. How to reprogramme your subconscious mind what business boundaries mean to you so holding them stops feeling terrifying
7. Why your clients will actually respect you more when you learn how to set healthy boundaries, not less
8. The one small thing I want you to do today if you're ready to set boundaries for yourself and actually hold them this time

1. Apply to work with me
2. The Subconscious Membership
3. The Subconscious Institute
4. Come say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

1. 188. How I’m Using Hypnotherapy to Build a 7-Figure Business
2. 119. Setting Boundaries vs Holding Boundaries