Why do you keep not doing the thing you already know would help? Ross Ellenhorn's answer in How We Change is that staying the same makes sense: part of you is protecting you from something real. In this episode: the Ten Reasons Not to Change, the fear of hope that sits under all of them, why starting a change feels worse than ignoring the problem, and the one question to ask a team member who keeps not changing.

Timestamps (estimated at 150 wpm — adjust after your edit)

• 00:00 — Why staying the same makes sense
• 01:06 — "Why don't you just…" and why advice doesn't work
• 02:54 — Christy, the director who's been "about to delegate" for three years
• 05:10 — Ellenhorn's Ten Reasons Not to Change
• 08:02 — Fear of hope and playing possum
• 09:28 — Five things to do (four for you, one for your team)
• 11:11 — The question to ask yourself tonight

Get the book: How We Change (And Ten Reasons Why We Don't) by Ross Ellenhorn — https://amzn.to/47myrcv As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases — no extra cost to you.

Go deeper: jasonrigby.substack.com — free.

You've moved on to the next meeting, but your mind is still on the last problem.

That's attention residue: thoughts about previous work competing with what needs your attention now.

Jason Rigby explains research by Sophie Leroy and Theresa Glomb on task switching, unfinished work, and a simple "ready-to-resume" plan. Before switching tasks, briefly write down where you stopped and how you'll return.

Hear how to use this practice before a conversation, why checking email right before a meeting can leave you distracted, and how leaders can interrupt their teams more thoughtfully.

If you manage people, make decisions throughout the day, or struggle to listen while thinking about unfinished work, this episode gives you something practical to try.

More from Jason Rigby:
https://jasonrigby.substack.com

Most managers think they're coaching. What they're actually doing is
announcing numbers — and it's why the same person is behind again this
month.

You've had the conversation. Maybe three times. You told them to step
up, to be more accountable, to take more ownership. They said they'd
work on it. Nothing changed. So either they don't want it, or you're
coaching a mood instead of a skill.

In this episode I break down what coaching an employee actually looks
like when it works: how to find the one step in someone's work that's
breaking, why "be more accountable" is unfixable feedback, and the six
reasons people underperform — only one of which is a character problem.

You'll walk away with the four questions that do more work than any
advice you have, a weekly coaching cadence that takes 20 minutes per
person, and a three-question test to run on your team this week.

WHAT WE COVER

(1:15) Why coaching to the final number is coaching a corpse
(3:30) Dana and Kevin — the manager who "handled it" three times
(7:00) The six causes of underperformance, and which one is actually rare
(9:15) Ask first, tell second: the four questions
(10:30) One skill, thirty days — why fixing six things fixes none
(11:15) Practice off the customer: role-play done small
(12:00) The weekly, monthly, daily coaching rhythm
(13:00) Somebody has to coach the coaches

THE MONDAY MORNING TEST

1. Name your weakest performer's actual gap — the specific step where
their work breaks. Not "they need to step up."
2. What did you ask someone last week that you didn't already know the
answer to?
3. Pick anyone on your team. Can they tell you the one thing they're
working on this month? Their answer is your grade, not theirs.

Scripts, tools, and the deeper version of everything here:
https://jasonrigby.substack.com — free to subscribe.

The Self Aware Leader is for managers who feel like they're performing
the job instead of doing it. Burnout, imposter syndrome, the loneliness
of leadership, and the conversations nobody trained you for.

You've got a hard conversation coming. And last night you ran it in your head forty times — every version ending with you losing the room. You called it preparing. It wasn't.

Here's the thing nobody tells you: you're already visualizing. Every leader does. You just do it backwards — rehearsing the disaster and then sitting in it, instead of rehearsing your way out of it.

The short answer: Mental rehearsal is not a vision board. It's the same practice elite performers use before high-pressure moments, and it works on one condition — you rehearse the thing going wrong, then rehearse exactly what you do next. Ten minutes, five steps: set the real scene, run it from your own eyes to handle the nerves, step back and watch yourself to map the branches, pre-load an if-then for every way it could go sideways, and walk in with three points instead of ten.

In this episode I get into why Michael Phelps swam an Olympic final blind and still set a world record, what happens in your brain when someone cuts you off mid-sentence, and why none of this works if you're running on four hours of sleep.

What's covered:

• Why the midnight loop feels like preparation but trains you to fail
• Bob Bowman making Phelps rehearse his goggles filling with water — years before it happened in Beijing
• A first-time manager's hard conversation with a senior report, start to finish
• The alarm and the adult: what's actually happening in your head under pressure
• Why sleep decides whether any of your prep survives the room
• The 10-minute protocol you can run tonight

Chapters

(00:00) Why "visualization" makes you cringe — and why you already do it
(01:00) The midnight loop: rehearsing the disaster on repeat
(02:10) Michael Phelps, Beijing 2008, and the goggles that failed
(03:40) Scenario: Dana, and your first hard conversation as a new manager
(05:30) The alarm and the adult — your brain under pressure
(07:00) Why sleep decides whether this works at all
(08:00) The 10-minute protocol: five steps
(10:30) What to do before your next hard conversation

Questions this episode answers

Does visualization actually work for leaders? Yes — but not the way it's usually sold. Vividly imagining an action activates much of the same wiring as doing it, which is why rehearsal builds real composure. What doesn't work is only picturing success. That sets you up to come apart the moment reality goes off-script.

How do I prepare for a difficult conversation with an employee? Put yourself in the actual room — the chair, the lighting, the time of day. Run it once from your own eyes to practice staying calm. Run it again watching yourself from outside to map where it could fork. Then decide in advance what you do if they interrupt, get emotional, or shut down. Walk in with three points, not ten.

Why does my prep fall apart in the moment? Usually exhaustion. The part of your brain that keeps the threat response in check is state-dependent — it runs on sleep and recovery. Rehearse all you want; if you're depleted, the alarm wins. You can't out-technique exhaustion.

Should I visualize first-person or third-person? Both, for different jobs. First-person — through your own eyes — is for regulating nerves and emotion. Third-person — watching yourself like game film — is for sequencing, spatial mapping, and strategy. Most people only ever use one.

Go deeper: The full scripts and the high-stakes version of this — board meetings, negotiations, the conversations you can't afford to fumble — are on the newsletter. Free. jasonrigby.substack.com

Not sure what's actually driving your reactions? Take the free 2-minute quiz: What's Running You?

About the host: Jason Rigby is the host of The Self Aware Leader, a weekly show on the inner game of leadership for people tired of surface-level advice. Marine. Trader. Philosopher. Self-awareness is the only leadership skill that compounds.

New episodes weekly. If this one landed, follow the show and leave a review — it's how other leaders find it.

Your employees don't trust you. Not you personally — leadership in general. And most leaders have no idea how deep that distrust runs or what it actually takes to fix it.

In this episode of The Self Aware Leader, Jason Rigby breaks down the employee trust crisis happening in 2026 — why your team walks in the door already suspicious, what toxic leadership looks like from the inside, and why servant leadership is the only real answer to a generation that has been let down by every authority figure in their lives.

What you'll hear in this episode:

• Why Gen Z and younger employees distrust authority before you've done anything wrong
• The difference between toxic leadership that relies on title and servant leadership that earns trust through genuine investment
• Why Jesus is the most relevant leadership model for 2026 — not for religious reasons, but because he operated in the exact same environment of corrupt authority and institutional failure that your employees grew up watching
• The three specific things servant leaders do that toxic bosses never will
• Why "not being a bad boss" is not the same as being a good leader
• What it actually looks like to invest in your people — and why the ROI follows genuine care, not the other way around

If this episode hit you, two things:

1. Subscribe so you don't miss the next one — new episodes every week on leadership, self-awareness, and the real stuff underneath the surface
2. Leave a review on Apple Podcasts — it takes 60 seconds and it's the single biggest way to help this show reach more leaders who need it

Go deeper every week: Jason writes about leadership psychology, self-awareness, and the inner work of leading at jasonrigby.substack.com — free to subscribe.

Links:

• Substack: jasonrigby.substack.com
• Quiz — What's Running You? selfawarepodcast.com/quiz

00:00 — Why your team already doesn't trust you before you've done anything
01:45 — The political, institutional, and cultural reasons distrust runs so deep in 2026
04:00 — The Roman Empire, the religious elite, and why that's your workplace right now
06:30 — What Jesus actually did differently — and why it worked
08:45 — Jason's personal story: the mentor who saw him in a crowd of thousands
10:30 — What lazy leadership looks like in 2026 (and why your team can feel it)
12:15 — Three things servant leaders do that toxic bosses never will
14:30 — Why profit and ROI follow genuine investment — not the other way around

You've already met the version of yourself you're trying to become.

The conversation where you stopped managing yourself and just told the truth. The decision that cost you something but felt clean all the way down. The morning where nobody needed anything from you and for an hour you were completely, unmistakably yourself.

That wasn't a fluke. That was the signal.

In this episode, Jason digs into one of the most misunderstood concepts in personal development — the higher self — and strips away the woo-woo to get to what it actually means and how to practically use it.

What you'll hear:

• What ten thousand years of spiritual tradition — from Sufi mystics to Egyptian priests to medieval Christian mystics — actually agree on about the higher self (and why it changes everything about how you approach growth)
• The real reason the best version of you feels buried — and why it has nothing to do with effort or information
• A four-domain self-assessment that forces honesty without the spiral (and why there are no 7s allowed)
• Four questions that cut through the performance and point you back toward yourself
• The one ten-minute practice that every tradition and every piece of behavioral research points toward — and why most people never actually do it

The line from this episode:

"The higher self is not a destination. It's a direction. You orient toward it one honest moment at a time."

Timestamps:

• 0:00 — The signal you've already had
• 1:30 — What ten thousand years of tradition agree on
• 3:45 — Meister Eckhart, the Gospel of Thomas, and the Sufi mirror
• 6:00 — Meet Sarah — and the armor we all built
• 8:00 — The four-domain assessment (no 7s)
• 12:30 — Four questions that cut through
• 15:30 — The ten-minute practice
• 17:30 — The close

Resources mentioned:

• The quiz: selfawarepodcast.com/quiz — "What's Running You?"
• Full essay version of this episode: jasonrigby.substack.com
• Paid subscription (go deeper every week): jasonrigby.substack.com

The Self Aware Leader with Jason Rigby — the inner game of leadership for people tired of surface-level advice.

Self-awareness is not thinking about yourself all day. It is the ability to notice what is happening inside you before it leaks into your leadership.

In this episode of The Self Aware Leader, Jason Rigby breaks down what self-aware leadership actually means in real life: the meeting where your tone changes, the feedback you do not want to hear, the hard conversation you keep avoiding, the moment your ego gets hit, and the pattern your team has quietly learned to manage around.

This episode explores why self-awareness is one of the most practical leadership skills you can build. Not as theory. Not as vague emotional intelligence. As a daily practice for leading with more clarity, honesty, humility, and strength under pressure.

You'll learn:

What a self-aware leader actually is
Why your intention and your impact are not the same thing
How defensiveness, people-pleasing, control, and avoidance leak into leadership
Why "why am I like this?" often keeps leaders stuck
The better question to ask when you get triggered
A simple daily practice: catch the signal, name the pattern, choose the cleaner move

If you lead people, your inner life does not stay private. It becomes culture. It becomes tone. It becomes trust or tension.

The question is not whether you have patterns.

The question is whether you can see them before everyone else has to manage them.

Subscribe to The Self Aware Leader for weekly episodes on self-awareness, emotional intelligence, leadership development, shadow work, and leading with practical clarity under pressure.

You got promoted. You promised yourself you'd be different — the approachable boss, the one people actually want to work for. But six months in, your team likes you and doesn't respect you. You can feel it. You just don't want to say it out loud yet.

This episode breaks down the people-pleasing trap that quietly destroys new managers. Jason Rigby explains why what feels like empathy is actually conflict avoidance — and why your "niceness" is costing you your best people.

You'll learn: • The difference between being kind and avoiding conflict as a first-time manager • Why your highest performers lose motivation when you won't hold standards • The one question that shifts people-pleasing leadership into real clarity • Exactly what to say when someone misses a deadline, turns in weak work, or challenges you publicly • Why the discomfort you feel after setting a boundary is growth — not a mistake

If you're a new manager, a millennial manager, or any leader who secretly knows their standards are fuzzy — this one's for you.

Go deeper: jasonrigby.substack.com — free essays on the inner game of leadership, self-awareness, and the struggles no one talks about in management.

The Self Aware Leader is hosted by Jason Rigby — Marine, Trader, Philosopher. New episodes weekly on leadership, conflict avoidance, setting boundaries, self-awareness, and the inner work that makes everything else work.

Subscribe free at jasonrigby.substack.com