Wanting a relationship doesn't mean you're equipped to have one.

We spend a lot of time thinking about the relationships we want, the kind of people we want in our lives, and what we want those relationships to give us. But how often do we stop and consider what we're bringing into them? Wanting the thing is the easy part. Being able to create and sustain it is something else.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why wanting a relationship doesn't automatically mean you're ready for one.
• The difference between deserving healthy relationships and being equipped to participate in them.
• Why relationships require us to consider the impact we're having on other people.
• What it means to consider the experience of being in relationship with you.
• Whether you're the person the person you want would actually want.
• Why it's worth questioning what we're asking relationships to fulfill for us.
• How entering relationships without considering our readiness can leave real damage behind.
• The skills and maturity it takes to create and sustain healthy relationships.

"Just because you want a thing doesn't mean you are equipped to have the thing."

"Do you consider what the experience of you is to others? Like do you ever sit and ask, hey, what's it like to be my friend? What's it like to be in a relationship with me? What's it like to be my child?"

"I think everybody deserves healthy relationships. I think everybody wants them and that's fair and everybody deserves them and that's fair but everybody is not ready."

"Relationships are major decisions and we don't treat them as if they are. We treat them as if they're experiences we get to jump into and jump out of when it's convenient for us."

"The thing is you can leave some relationships but what trail are you leaving behind you?"

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it.

To connect, ask a question, or share your thoughts, email: ajarutledgecoaching@gmail.com.

Thank you for listening to The Reality Between Us.

Validation and agreement are not the same thing.

Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that if we acknowledge another person's experience, we're saying they're right. But what if validation simply means making room for their reality without abandoning your own?

In this episode, we explore:

• Why validation and agreement are not the same thing.
• Why validation is often the first step toward repair.
• What gets in the way of validating another person's experience.
• Why conflict continues when both people are only fighting to be understood.
• How making room for another person's reality doesn't require abandoning your own.
• Why repair requires both people to feel heard and received.
• The role validation plays both inside and outside of conflict.
• Why some people seem to experience validation as something threatening.
• The questions to ask yourself when validation feels difficult.
• How slowing down creates space for different responses in moments of conflict.

Episode Thoughts to Sit With

"Validation absolutely does not mean I agree with what you're saying. But it does mean I hear you. I get that's where you are."

"I do think people are protecting something...and it's getting in the way of mutual relationship and being able to repair and move forward."

"The way forward is through repair."

"Challenge yourself to see the situation from the other person's experience, not through your lens, because those are not the same things."

How many times have you been absolutely certain you knew what someone meant...only to find out later that's not what was happening at all?

In this episode, we're exploring how the state we're in changes what we think we're seeing. Because sometimes we're responding to what's actually happening. And sometimes we're responding to the lens we're looking through. Learning the difference can change our relationships...and ourselves.

In this episode

• Why two people can experience the same interaction and walk away with completely different realities.
• How the state you're in changes what you think is happening.
• Why slowing down before reacting matters.
• What it looks like to recognize when someone else's state is driving the interaction.
• Simple ways to start noticing the state you're bringing into your day.

Episode Thoughts To Sit With

"You and the person are literally in two different realities thinking you're in the same reality."

"The state is the way you perceive the world."

"Don't observe yourself and then chastise yourself or criticize yourself. We're literally just observing."

"Sometimes they are too activated in their own stuff...that doesn't mean you have to be."

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it.

To connect, ask a question, or share your thoughts, email: ajarutledgecoaching@gmail.com.

Thank you for listening to The Reality Between Us.