This week, we come in hot — starting with wuxia vibes, holiday chaos, and cursed Christmas remixes of “September” — before diving into music stats, Taskmaster binges, Eden’s Wuxia/Baihe adventures, and Peter’s latest reading spree (including Gödel, Escher, Bach). Eventually, we embark on the Most Important Cultural Work of Our Time: a fast-food and fast-casual tier list. Along the way, we crown unexpected champions, bury some long-held myths (looking directly at you, In-N-Out), and declare Waffle House the beating heart of American civilization. It’s unhinged, joyful, occasionally shameful, and fully definitive.
Opening Shenanigans
- Eden opens with an incredible wuxia monologue introducing Beauty’s Blade, the Baihe novel they’ve been reading.
- Peter tries (and fails) to match the energy.
- Thanksgiving recaps: delayed flights, Target wandering, and the absolute war crime that is “Do You Remember…the 21st Night of December” playing over store speakers.
Life Updates & Media
- End-of-year malaise, work overload, and winter dread.
- Apple Music Replay breakdowns:
- Peter: another year, another Slow Forever domination.
- Eden: a deeply chaotic top-albums list featuring Rebecca Black, Japanese jazz fusion, KPM library music, and Tron: Legacy.
- Taskmaster binges continue.
- Peter’s current reading includes Three-Body Problem and the 900-page Gödel, Escher, Bach.
- Eden is deep into Where Winds Meet (“What if Assassin’s Creed but Wuxia and optionally an MMO?”), and fully living in Jianghu.
- Manga corner: Kaiju Girl Caramelise is adorable and unhinged in equal measure.
🎖️
The Great Fast-Food Tier List
Certified THE BEST
- Domino’s – the undisputed king of delivery pizza.
- Five Guys – elite burgers, elite fries, elite price tag.
- Portillo’s – Italian beef nirvana.
- Schlotzky’s – elevated to divinity thanks to Peter and Alyssa’s first date.
- Taco Bell – delicious, shameful, transcendent.
- Waffle House – an American institution and FEMA-indexed miracle.
Strong Contenders (B-Tier)
- Dairy Queen – chicken strip baskets, Texas toast, and blizzards: a holy trinity.
- Long John Silver’s – Eden’s forbidden love.
- McDonald’s – the fries that define civilization.
- Panda Express – orange chicken supremacy.
- Skyline Chili – Eden-approved, Cassie-reviled.
- Wendy’s – consistently solid.
- White Castle – cheesy sliders hit just right.
Perfectly Fine (C-Tier)
Places we’d go to with zero enthusiasm and zero complaint:
A&W, Bojangles, Burger King, Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s, Firehouse Subs, Jersey Mike’s, Jimmy John’s (fast only), KFC, Little Caesars, Noodles & Co., Panera, Quiznos, Whataburger, Wienerschnitzel.
Ehhh (D-Tier)
Arby’s wet paper towel meat, Culver’s overrated custard, Del Taco’s value plays, Denny’s at 2am, Papa John’s overpriced cardboard, Pizza Hut nostalgia only, Popeye’s here-but-not-here, Qdoba mid-Mex, Sbarro mall sadness, Sonic for drinks only.
Absolutely Not (F-Tier)
- Chick-fil-A (for reasons both ethical and culinary)
- Chipotle (poop-from-a-butt energy)
- In-N-Out (the most overrated chain in America; fries taste like unwashed ass)
- IHOP (international house of poop)
- Stake & Shake (weird political tallow energy)
- Subway (fell from grace when they stopped cutting the V in the bread)
- Wingstop (wings overrated; nuggets forever)
Closing Thoughts
- We discover we are not fast-food people…except for when we are.