Memorial Day weekend is being sold to you as rest. Your body knows it isn’t. The Maycember-depleted nervous system that walked into Friday is going to walk out of Monday more depleted, more dysregulated, more confused about why you can’t enjoy what you have. And then you’re going to blame yourself for it.

In this episode, I take apart the structural lie that time off equals rest, name the cultural dissonance baked into Memorial Day specifically (a holiday for the war dead repackaged as the unofficial start of summer), and give you one operational handle for the three days: subtract the performance, keep the presence.

For the woman going into the long weekend already at zero.

The Spiral with Lauren Tobey — the science of stress, burnout, identity, and why you feel the way you feel. For the woman who's done everything right and still doesn't feel like herself. Here, we finally figure out why.

Timestamps

Chapters

00:00 The Illusion of Long Weekends

02:23 Cultural Dissonance of Memorial Day

04:49 The Burden of Performance

06:54 Understanding Rest vs. Performance

09:05 Navigating Family Expectations

11:37 The Impact of Social Media

14:04 The Aftermath of Long Weekends

16:22 Rebuilding Your Nervous System

18:35 Permission to Not Enjoy

20:30 The Work Beyond the Weekend

Find More from Lauren on Substack

📖 Spiraling Into Control https://amzn.to/4bbYsfR

About the Show

The Spiral with Lauren Tobey is a podcast about complex trauma, nervous system literacy, and the women who got told their pain didn’t count. Trauma-informed coach and author Lauren Tobey walks you through the Spiral Framework — the four states of survival and integration (Ashes, Ember, Flame, Rise), the threat and safety databases your body has been running without your permission, and the Machine that’s been making your decisions while you thought you were making them.

This is for the woman who’s been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, ADHD, or borderline when what was actually happening was a nervous system response to sustained relational harm. The woman who looks high-functioning and is internally on a back porch staring at nothing. The woman who’s been told she’s so strong by people who have no idea what she’s carrying. The woman who’s tired of being told her trauma is a gift, her pain is a teacher, and her body is wrong.

Keywords

complex trauma podcast, cPTSD, nervous system regulation, trauma-informed coaching, polyvagal theory, somatic healing, women's mental health, burnout recovery, high-functioning anxiety, freeze response, dorsal vagal shutdown, fawn response, people pleasing recovery, codependency recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery, emotional abuse, gaslighting recovery, divorce recovery, postpartum mental health, mom burnout, working mom burnout, perimenopause and trauma, ADHD misdiagnosis, BPD misdiagnosis, autism in women, late-diagnosed neurodivergent, childhood emotional neglect, attachment trauma, intergenerational trauma, religious trauma, purity culture recovery, deconstruction, ex-evangelical, anti-wellness industry, anti-toxic positivity, anti-hustle culture, alternative, somatic experiencing, IFS adjacent, parts work, vagus nerve, window of tolerance, hypervigilance, dissociation, emotional flashbacks, complex PTSD recovery for women, nervous system literacy, trauma education