What does it really mean to be the "default parent"?

In this episode, Andrea and Kouelee dive into the invisible responsibilities that often fall on one parent—the mental load, emotional labor, decision-making, and constant availability that come with being the default parent. They discuss how children naturally gravitate toward one parent, why many moms struggle to "clock out," and how carrying the weight of a household can impact marriage, connection, intimacy, and personal identity.

From being touched out and exhausted at the end of the day to navigating resentment, communication breakdowns, and the challenge of trusting your partner to step in, this conversation is an honest look at the realities many parents experience but rarely talk about openly.

Whether you're married, divorced, co-parenting, or simply feeling overwhelmed by the mental load of family life, this episode will remind you that you're not alone.

Timestamps

00:00 – What being the default parent really means

04:30 – Why kids always seem to choose mom first

08:15 – The invisible mental load parents carry

12:00 – Did we unintentionally create the default parent dynamic?

16:30 – The importance of having a strong co-parent

20:45 – Feeling touched out and craving silence over connection

25:30 – How parenting exhaustion impacts marriage and intimacy

30:00 – Resentment, communication, and relationship breakdowns

34:45 – Surviving the toddler years and reconnecting as a couple

38:30 – Choosing a partner: what really matters when life gets hard

42:00 – Trust, reminders, and carrying the mental load

46:00 – Consistency, emotional safety, and why kids keep coming back to mom

Thank you for being here! And remember, you are NOT alone and you are Not done.

xxx Andrea & Kouelee

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