Tired of sugary Christmas carols and fake holiday cheer? The Goin' Deep crew drops the ultimate anti-Christmas banger: raw, filthy, and unapologetic. Strippers, lube, dragon dildos, cum-stained mics, and a middle finger to jingle bells—Fuck your lights, fuck your snow—Merry fuckin' whatever, bitches. This is the only holiday track you need.

Go Deep.

#FuckChristmas

Episode 2297: Hat Trick walked in the day before she turns 39 looking like someone who'd been power-washed by sex and still had a smile on her face. Then she opened her mouth and the room needed a cigarette.

She casually mentions she watched gay hockey drama with her teenage daughter because "bonding." The kid now has a thing for Russian accents and sudden violence on ice. Great job, mom. You've raised a connoisseur.

Then the fireman shows up at 7 a.m. Sunday—unannounced, unapologetic—with a purple knotted dragon dildo the size of a municipal fire extinguisher. Hat Trick's exact review: "It didn't all fit, but I came so many times I forgot what numbers are." She followed that up with the quote of the year: "He has a really nice dick, but right now I want NOTHING more than that dick."

Kid A.G. took time out of his busy schedule of hiding cock rings in his girlfriend's sheets to drop wisdom on his 18-year-old self: "Never get married." Solid advice from a man currently living out of a duffel bag at his girlfriend's house like a horny hobo.

We let the AI, Eve, explain gooning. Turns out it's just staring at porn until your soul leaves your body and your dick files for disability. Mormons, in their infinite panic, built an actual anti-gooning app. Somewhere there's a prophet screaming "Put down the Kleenex and pick up the scriptures, Brayden!"

We revisited the greatest marriage theory ever invented: if she switches from Lucky Charms to granola, start looking for blowjobs in the goodbye letter. Explains 94 % of divorces and 100 % of mid-life affairs with yoga instructors.

Hat Trick actually blew off dinner with her own brother because the fireman texted "quickie?" and she responded before the message even finished sending. Family? What's that? There's a dragon dildo in the driveway with her name on it.

Birthday plans for tomorrow: the second the kids are out the door, scheduled birthday sex, followed by getting completely shitfaced in that exact order. Responsible parenting, everybody.

We also covered ghost shits (they happen, nobody knows why), eleven-dollar Nancy Sinatra karaoke tracks, Dua Lipa thirst traps that could restart your heart, and the national emergency of Rick Springfield still being absolutely jacked at 76. The man is 76 and looks like he could bench-press your dad. Retire already, Rick, you're making the rest of us look soft.

This episode is raw, unhinged, and contains zero apologies. Hat Trick's vagina deserves a Purple Heart and a parade.

Explicit as always. Hide your kids, hide your dragon dildos.

#GoingDeepShow #Episode2297

Kid and Nurse Fiona are coughing COVID into each other's faces, half-drunk on the cheapest booze in town. Highlights from the chaos:

• God personally shutting down the liquor shack to spite two alcoholics
• A Black pastor dropping the most accurate "men NEED sex like a car needs gas" sermon ever
• Fiona's 4-month no-nut streak: saving every drop for one girl, about to redecorate the ceiling
• Pro threesome tip: always take bottom
• The loud chick who got dick-stuffed mid-threesome just to shut her the hell up
• The tragic, deleted 13:45 double-BJ masterpiece (Superman shirt era, never forgotten)
• Afternoon surprise double blowjob while football's on TV
• Piece-of-ass vs. catching feels: the eternal struggle
• The brother-cousin "pin cushion" story that ends with accidental ball-touching and light incest
• Final verdict: if you're sword-fighting or docking, just own that you're a little gay

Kid and Fiona return with a masterclass in romantic elegance: we debate the finer points of industrial-grade cum dumpster usage, rank the top 10 vintage stinky-pussy bouquets, and discover why your dick still throbs like a club speaker even after Nut #47. Then, in a moment that will be studied by historians, legendary karaoke warlord Brown Eye blesses the mic with his velvet renditions of Air Supply and other certified wrist-slitters. We close out with our feel-good segments: "Best Soundtracks to Yeet Yourself To" and "How to Drown in the Shallow End Without Looking Like a Quitter." Bring tissues—for your tears, your dick, or both.

DETAILED TIMELINE (now with punchlines)

1:00 – "Right in the cooter" (direct deposit, no ATM fees)
2:00 – Some ladies I want in my mouth (taste-test Tuesday)
3:00 – Make sure that shit is clean (pineapple juice PSA)
4:00 – My head is kinda on her ass (basically furniture at this point)
5:00 – Fingers in the face (free high-five with purchase)
6:00 – This factory is shut down (OSHA violated, uterus on strike)
7:00 – Can you email me your report (STD results in PDF, please)
8:00 – Who says you're gonna last forever (spoiler: your dick doesn't)
9:00 – The age we're at (when your back cracks louder than she does)
10:00 – Weird shit dripping from the vagine (call it abstract expressionism)
11:00 – Brown Eye live karaoke debut (bring earplugs and Prozac)
12:00 – "I'm all out of love" (Brown Eye channeling every divorced dad)
13:00 – "I'm so lost without you" (he's looking at you, Susan)
14:00 – Straight-up depicted everything (trauma in 4K)
15:00 – Rosette song (now legally a war crime in 12 states)
16:00 – "If you want to be happy" (irony level: expert)
17:00 – Are you fucking serious right now (yes, dead-ass)
18:00 – I was so fucking mad (rage-boner achieved)
19:00 – Because it's so depressing (we're one ballad away from a group hug)
20:00 – When do you want to go (existentially or just leaving the call?)
21:00 – Drowned yourself (bathtub's ready, candles are lit)
22:00 – "I know" – Final Words (mic drop into the void)
23:00 – Throwing yourself into traffic (pro tip: wait for Uber Surge)

Listen now and try not to yeet yourself into the sun before the outro. Go Deep—or at least go home and cry in the shower like the rest of us.

GDS Retro Rewind (Ep.704) It's Retro Rewind time with The Brawler's in studio with Kid A.G., and Wally calling in from Episode 704.

We get curious about $90 remote-control vibrating panties that can make her soak the chair in public, The Brawler confesses her record 3-second blowjob to a shrimp-scented Long John Silver's trucker and we debate vintage 70s Muppet bush vs. landing strips, drool over Emma Watson's infamous upskirt moment, and somehow end up deep in German strap-on and poop-porn territory.

It's crude, it's wrong, and it's exactly why you keep coming back.

You've been warned… now Go Deep.

Call the Listener Line and leave your dirty secrets: 989-341-3314

Full episodes + bonus filth at www.theGDS.com

#GoinDeepShow #RetroRewind #NSFW

RR Dec. 2020/2010 - Drunk disasters, mystery bruises, and lesbian cookie-night betrayals – welcome to the filthiest corners of the Goin' Deep vault. We dig up two classic clips: 2020 gold with Host Kid, L.B., Endo, and High-Ho swapping war stories about banging on stranger's doors during drunken storms, losing phones in bars, and L.B. getting absolutely stomped by 15 pissed-off women on a party bus after grabbing the wrong (lesbian) ass.

Rewind further to 2010 when Eckler drops by to blow Kid and Mr. Kleen's minds with the ultimate girl's-night-gone-wild tale: walking in at 3 a.m. to find "Whore #1" going down on "Whore #2"… who also happens to be secretly banging Whore #2's husband.

Door left open on purpose? Threesome bait? The plot twist hits harder than those high-heel kicks to L.B's ribs.

Sweet talk, hate mail, or your own trainwreck confession – call the listener line 989-341-3314 or hit thegds.com. Grab your glass pacifier, leave your mark, and always Go Deep.

New episodes + retro rewinds drop weekly.

Subscribe or we'll assume you're scared.

Retro Rewind: December 2015 – The Goin' Deep Show fires up the mics for another Retro Rewind classic, and right out of the gate, Kid A.G., Don and Pooty Tang are in rare form.

The episode kicks off with a sultry request to the listeners to dial the brand-new voicemail line 989-341-3314 and leave something filthy, funny, or downright unhinged, because if you don't, Kid will hunt you down himself.

The crew debates whether women secretly reach for Chloroseptic to numb their throats for monster cocks, the eternal glory of the Hottie of the Week segment (because even Pootie Tang loves hot chicks), and the mind-blowing revelation that sometimes a girl is so smoking hot you refuse to believe she even poops… until Don Tang drops one of the greatest line in podcasting history.

Morning oral get roasted (apparently they taste like regret and stale peanut butter & jelly sandwiches), the dip-and-sniff oil-check technique is defended, and the whole intro spirals into a beautiful trainwreck of dick jokes, vagina parmesan requests, and zero apologies. Vintage Goin' Deep at its absolute finest, this is the retro rewind that reminds you why we've been goin' deep for over two decades.

Grab the Chloroseptic and call 989-341-3314, degenerates. The show demands your filth.

Go Deep