Picture a child learning to swim. Small fingers are wrapped tight around the edge of the pool, and everyone in the water is calling out, "Come on, you can do it, just let go," while that little one holds on for dear life.

As long as they hold the edge, they're safe and nothing bad happens to them. They also can't swim, so the very thing keeping them safe is the same thing keeping them from what they came there to do.

So many of the adults I've worked with over 20+ years are still holding the edge of the pool, in their relationships, in the roles they play, in the plans they made at 25, and in versions of themselves they've already outgrown.

Holding on tends to wear a convincing disguise. It shows up as loyalty, commitment, love, and being the responsible one, which is exactly why it's so hard to spot from the inside.

And the grip is exhausting. Think about how tired that child's hands must be. When we hold on to something that no longer fits, part of us stays busy bracing and managing, and we call it stability long after it's started costing us.

So today I want to talk about what you might still be holding on to, and what it actually takes to loosen your grip.

Inside this podcast episode, I walk you through:

• Why the brain treats the familiar as safe, even when the familiar is painful

• What we're usually holding on to, and why it's rarely the thing we think

• The difference between holding something with an open hand and holding it with a clenched fist

• Why letting go happens one finger at a time instead of in one dramatic moment

• How grief fits into letting go, even when what's coming next is better

• The two questions to sit with this week, starting with what you may have already outgrown

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Dr. Shyamala Kiru is a former psychotherapist of 20 years and the founder of Kiru Psychotherapy Clinic and the Cognitive Freedom Method™.

Through her work in leadership development, practitioner training, and clinical practice (now retired), she teaches a structured framework for understanding and transforming the cognitive patterns that shape how we think, lead, and relate.

📘 The Emotionally Intelligent Woman Available on Amazon and Chapters Indigo

🎧 The Dr. Shyamala Show Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify

Learn more at:

• Grab Our Free Parenting Guide: https://drshyam.myflodesk.com/parenting-guide

• https://kirupsychotherapy.com

• https://www.cognitive-freedom.com/

Real freedom begins when you understand your mind.

Where to Connect:

• My Clinic: Kiru Psychotherapy: https://kirupsychotherapy.com

• Learn More About The Cognitive Freedom Method™: https://www.cognitive-freedom.com/

• LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-shyamala-kiru-4a853aa5/

• INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/iam.drshyam/

Think of the letter on your desk that you've walked past every day for three weeks, or the email you keep scrolling over, and you'll know exactly which one I mean.

The day it arrived, it was just a piece of mail, and you told yourself you'd deal with it later.

The next day it was still there, and the day after that. Somewhere along the way it started to feel heavier, taking up more space in your mind and maybe putting a little tightness in your chest every time you walked by.

Yet not one word inside that envelope has changed since the day it arrived. The only thing that changed is your relationship to it.

On day one, you could have opened it in 30 seconds. By day 20, it feels like it might take everything you have.

Something happens in your brain every time you walk past it, and over time the cost reaches far beyond one unopened letter.

Avoidance rarely looks like running away. More often it shows up as things we get praised for, like being the busy one, the strong one, or the one who has rehearsed a hard conversation 40 times and still hasn't had it.

So today I want to show you why the things we avoid get bigger, and how to turn toward them in a way that actually works.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Shyamala Kiru is a former psychotherapist of 20 years and the founder of Kiru Psychotherapy Clinic and the Cognitive Freedom Method™.

Through her work in leadership development, practitioner training, and clinical practice (now retired), she teaches a structured framework for understanding and transforming the cognitive patterns that shape how we think, lead, and relate.

📘 The Emotionally Intelligent Woman Available on Amazon and Chapters Indigo

🎧 The Dr. Shyamala Show Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify

Learn more at:

• Explore my new parenting course for parents who want to help their child reduce anxiety and gain more confidence: https://connect.kirupsychotherapy.com/home--fostering-confidence-page

Real freedom begins when you understand your mind.

Where to Connect:

• My Clinic: Kiru Psychotherapy: https://kirupsychotherapy.com

• Learn More About The Cognitive Freedom Method™: https://www.cognitive-freedom.com/

• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-shyamala-kiru-4a853aa5/

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iam.drshyam/

Somewhere in the last few years I became the kind of person who can take a plot twist and, after the initial shock wears off, I now feel a flicker of pride about it. When I need to take a new path I didn't plan on taking, when I get rerouted, when there's a whole chapter unfolding that I never saw coming, part of me now goes, alright, I've got this.

I didn't used to be like that. For a long time an unplanned change would knock me flat for weeks.

Here's what shifted: I stopped expecting my life to hold still.

If you're choosing to live as the fully expressed version of yourself, no longer shrinking to fit everyone else's expectations, I can guarantee you exactly one thing. There will be plot twists, not one but several, and they tend to arrive right on the heels of your next level of growth.

That's the strange part almost nobody warns you about. Every new level of growth seems to come packaged with its own unplanned twist, as though the two arrive together.

So today I want to hand you three things you can start doing right now that make the difference between being knocked down by a plot twist and learning to master it.

Inside this podcast episode, I walk you through:

• Why every new level of growth seems to arrive with its own unplanned plot twist

• The three moves that turn a plot twist from something that flattens you into something you can master

• What impermanence really means, and how expecting it reduces your suffering and hands you back your power

• Why the thing you're avoiding right now is taking up far more room in your mind than you realize

• How acceptance becomes the first real step toward changing anything you actually want to change

• The journalling questions to ask yourself the next time life reroutes your plans

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Shyamala Kiru is a former psychotherapist of 20 years and the founder of Kiru Psychotherapy Clinic and the Cognitive Freedom Method™.

Through her work in leadership development, practitioner training, and clinical practice (now retired), she teaches a structured framework for understanding and transforming the cognitive patterns that shape how we think, lead, and relate.

📘 The Emotionally Intelligent Woman Available on Amazon and Chapters Indigo

🎧 The Dr. Shyamala Show Listen on Apple Podcasts and Spotify

Learn more at:

• Explore my new parenting course for parents who want to help their child reduce anxiety and gain more confidence: https://connect.kirupsychotherapy.com/home--fostering-confidence-page

Real freedom begins when you understand your mind.

Where to Connect:

• My Clinic: Kiru Psychotherapy: https://kirupsychotherapy.com

• Learn More About The Cognitive Freedom Method™: https://www.cognitive-freedom.com/

• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-shyamala-kiru-4a853aa5/

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iam.drshyam/