Why the Same Dating Advice Fails Men and Women
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Why the Same Dating Advice Fails Men and Women
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A follow-up to the last episode. The author we discussed also wrote a novel whose main character has enormous confidence, puts herself out there constantly, and gets nowhere, which is the point she's making about advice that doesn't transfer.
That set us off on a bigger question. Men are told to be confident, make the first move, don't be too emotional, find your purpose first. Women get advice built from a different set of assumptions. How much of the standard guidance is just the wrong advice handed to the wrong person?
Most of the episode is about confidence, because it's where the mismatch is clearest and because "be more confident" is the most useless instruction in dating. If you had it you wouldn't need the advice. I go through how it's actually built, which is small wins, repeatedly, over months, and why there's no version of this where you buy something and wake up confident.
We also cover never chase and focus on attraction instead, why "don't show weakness" is closer to right than it sounds but gets taken too far, why appearing too available reads as low value, and where the "don't be needy" advice has swung so far that people are now afraid to tell a partner they miss them.
Links referenced in this episode:
- ssm.coachjohnbush.com
- coachjohnbush.com