What if the strongest teams aren’t built by hype, slogans, or “high performance” talk, but by a few clear rituals everyone can count on? I sit down with Dave Askew, deputy principal and First XV coach at Auckland Grammar School, to get a behind-the-scenes look at how one of New Zealand’s most storied schoolboy rugby programs builds culture that holds up under pressure.

We talk about the daily assembly as the “big hall” that creates belonging, recognition, and a shared start line for 2,000-plus boys. Dave explains why predictability and tradition matter, especially for students who don’t have stability at home, and how a consistent structure can unlock confidence and ambition. From there we get practical with “school rules plus one,” the idea that representing a premier team is a privilege and that leadership starts with doing the basics better than anyone else.

We also challenge the language that creeps into youth sport. Dave avoids the term “high performance” because of the pressure it puts on teenagers and the way it can scare off volunteer coaches. Instead, we explore “high care” as a better north star, along with a Plan A versus Plan B approach that keeps education and long-term career options at the center while still supporting big sporting dreams. If you coach school sports, lead a team, or care about building resilience and anti-fragility, you’ll take away tools you can use immediately.

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