In this episode, Amanda and Kyle dive into moral scrupulosity OCD and how it has shaped Amanda’s life. She shares openly about the intense anxiety and compulsive behaviors she developed growing up in a high-control religious environment under Bill Gothard’s IBLP cult. These patterns looked like “perfectionism” on the surface but were actually rooted in fear, uncertainty, and shame.

Amanda discusses the research connecting high-control religion to obsessive-compulsive symptoms and explains how scrupulosity didn’t disappear when she left the belief system, it just changed form. Today, it shows up in relationships, conflict, and her own internal self-perception. She talks through the coping strategies she uses now, the progress she’s making in therapy, and what healing looks like in real time.

This episode is an honest, thoughtful conversation about anxiety, identity, and the leftover rules your brain keeps long after you’ve left a cult or high control religion behind.

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We’ll see you next week, when we’re feeling better, for an episode Amanda is so excited to share with you all! We’re grateful for you and we love you guys!

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Sit in on the first conversation Amanda and Kyle have had together about what they’re learning on their journey as new parents. Amanda opens up about lifelong fears around the kind of mother she might become, and Kyle reflects on what he actually sees in her. Together, they laugh (and yawn) their way through the learning curves of parenting and share some of the moments when Amanda’s past collides with the present, such as raising public school kids after growing up in a cult that kept her from ever attending one and therefore having no idea how they work.

Grab a coffee and come be tired with us.

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Amy Duggar King joins us to talk about her new book Holy Disruptor, and she does not hold back. From growing up around the Duggar family and IBLP to setting boundaries and breaking cycles of silence, Amy brings her whole heart to shining a light on the darkness that shaped her childhood and family.

We talk about the gap between reality TV and real life, what it means to be labeled the “black sheep,” and how choosing truth and boundaries can lead to real peace. Amy opens up about the process of writing Holy Disruptor, healing generational trauma, and what she’s learned about protecting her own child.

If you’ve ever been told you’re too much for speaking truth, or if you’re ready to be a holy disruptor yourself, this one’s for you.

Find Amy’s Book Here

Connect with Amy on Instagram: @amyrachelleking

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Author, veteran, and advocate Elizabeth Estabrooks joins Amanda and Kyle to explore the realities of trauma, institutional betrayal, and what it truly means to heal. Drawing from her decades in sexual assault and domestic violence advocacy, Liz shares the inspiration behind her book Broken in the Stronger Places—and why healing is less about perfection and more about resourcefulness.

Connect with Elizabeth:

www.awomansvoicepress.com

Buy Elizabeth's book here:

Signed Copy

Barnes & Noble

Amazon

Fundraising for the Spanish version of the book:

https://gofund.me/f93ca2f1

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In this episode of The Cult I Left Behind, Amanda once more opens up her old diaries from her time in the IBLP cult and the early days of leaving. She reads while Kyle reacts in real time. Together, they talk through what those pages reveal about life inside IBLP, the challenges of leaving, and the moments of growth and hope along the way. Amanda and Kyle also share some important life updates.

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We’re diving into Shiny Happy People Season 2 — and this time, Kyle’s the one with the inside scoop. While Amanda expected to lead the conversation, it turned out Kyle’s past experience at an Acquire the Fire event made this season his wheelhouse.

In this episode, we share our live reactions, unpack the big themes of Season 2, and talk through why this follow-up series hits differently than the first. Whether you’ve already binged it or are still working up the courage to press play, join us as we process what the doc reveals about high-control religion, manipulation, and the systems that shaped so many of our lives.

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When Chantelle was sent to the cult Headquarters as an “encouragement case,” she encountered Bill Gothard’s inappropriate and abusive behavior toward teenage girls firsthand. She shares what it was like to grow up in IBLP and ATI, survive both Headquarters and the cult’s finishing school for young ladies, and ultimately marry young to escape her father’s “umbrella of authority.” Today, Chantelle uses her story and training in hypnotherapy to educate others and bring healing to those manipulated by shame, guilt, and fear. She also offers practical ideas and resources for people who want to pursue healing but face financial constraints.

Connect with Chantelle:

www.chantellen.com

Resources Chantelle Recommends:

The Tapping Solution App

www.ifsbuddy.chat

Books Chantelle Recommends:

Feeding Your Demons by Tsultrim Allione

Self-Therapy (3rd Edition) by Jay Earley, PhD

The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer

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