Ladies, if you’ve been thinking about having some extra padding implanted in your behind, I’ve got great news. The makers of Spanx, with the street name Spanky Pants, now sell some special new drawers with the butt implants built right in. Maybe it’s just the Shitegeist of the times. The extra bulk you’ve been wanting on the south end now comes pre-stuffed and sewn right into the Spanky Pants package - ready to go to work to thicken up those pop tarts as soon as you slip ‘em over whatever you got going on back there now. No need to walk around with a taillight out anymore Cupcake, just pack it on with Spanky Pants before heading up to the mall for your next show. Hell you could get yard of the month with this. And you thought hammer time was just happy hour. Welcome to Spanky Pants with benefits – it’s the new normal, built to fool the wife of the people. Think of it like a bounce house on wheels that goes everywhere you go. And don’t worry about that rumble strip back there, it’s just there for ventilation. This your Uncle Otis, a false and dangerous narrative keeping fear live – that’ll be ten hail Mary’s. Hear podcast - wash hands.

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