I loved you and you loved me. I'm sorry about what happened - I'm sorry, because I wish you were still here, in my life, I'm sorry, because I miss your voice, your words, your love. But I know that this distance between us was the best and last thing that I could give to you. And knowing that, I embrace it. Lovingly.

There may be moments where it is very wise to be doubting. There may be moments where it is very wise to trust.

I feel that in this day and age, where there is so much at stake that stands or falls with everyone, with me being conscious and responsible with my choices, I cannot allow myself to risk making bad, potentially regretable choices [...] And what this does is that very often it creates a painful dynamic, where people who care a lot about making right decisions, who are aware of the impact of their decisions and want to use this power wisely and for the benefit of our society, become so self conscious of all of their actions that they end up completely blocked.

So both actually share the same problem: A lack of a sense of self and the tools to build a real sense of self. A blurry and distorted compensatory self image that is very high maintanence and very prone to disruption. Both need to be saved and the joke is: Both will want to be saved by each other FROM each other, meaning each other's manipulative behaviours...

And I don't want to be cynical, I really don't, but you make me feel like all of this is bullshit, like there is no purpose, no hope, like all my dreams, like everybody's dreams are fucking bullshit makebelief! And that we keep going for... what? What? I really don't know... And yet I keep on breathing. And yet I keep on getting up. I don't know why, I don't know how, but part of me just really wants to know, what's in this... [...] From now on everything will be different, you hear me? Because it has to be...

We don't know how to be close to other people, we don't know how to keep our boundaries, we don't know how to say no AND we don't know how to say yes to people, we don't know what we want and we don't know how to have the kind of intimacy we'd like to have. We go the most complicated and indirect ways for love that are almost always destined to be leading to failure.

What do you hope for? Love? Someone who might see your pain and understand you and love you for who you are? Ridiculous, poor creature... it's a lonely life. It's a very lonely life.

We have to change how we handle shame [...] And this is, not exclusively, but also about shifting our focus from wallowing in the past (where things can't be changed) to hardcore indulging in fantasies and plans for the future (that is still ahead of us and waiting for us to actively mold it!).